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Scarcity Mentality: The Reason We Get and Act Desperate

Posted by Blade On February - 4 - 2010

Wadup. I wanna talk briefly about a type of mentality that drives us to make bad decisions about our dating life. Scarcity mentality.

To explain what scarcity mentality is for those that don’t know, I found a passage by Dr Stephen Covey ( author of The Seven habits of highly Successful People ).

“Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else.

The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit – even with those who help in the production. The also have a a very hard time being genuinely happy for the success of other people.

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flow out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.”

Reading this should begin to form a picture of how this applies to why someone would become “Desperate”.

You also begin to see how it would apply to someone who conducts their dating life with The Abundance Mentality.

When you are desperate, you are just that much closer to  compromising your ethics, standards and morals because you are so scared that you might never meet someone again or just scared to be alone.

This mentality leads you to tolerate behaviour that you would normally not accept…simply because he/she paid you attention out of desperation or the fear that you will be lacking something.

This mentality also causes you to be incredibly jealous and possessive too. You can’t stand to see someone else getting laid regularly. You find yourself thinking to yourself, “Why the fuck is that happening to him/her!?!…what does he/she have that I don’t.!?!” ..instead of being genuinely happy for them and working on your own issues.

When you are interested in a boy or girl and its not official… it becomes a big deal that they are spending time with someone else and not you. Yep it is as it sounds…immature.

A person with a deep inner sense of personal worth does not need to feel threatened by “lack”. They have enough self love within themselves that they believe that external sources of love, affection, attention is just a valuable bonus. They believe that having a girlfriend or boyfriend would be great BUT they don’t feel incomplete within themselves because they don’t have one at the moment.

They are not willing to settle for nothing less than what they deserve.

To achieve Abundance mentality is easier said than done. It is a process. This doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t try. Maintaining the Scarcity mentality costs you a whole lot more than it would cost you train your mind to adopt the Abundance mentality.

Here are a few tips

Focus your mind on abundance.

At the risk of sounding new-agey or a hippy…your mind is the single most powerful tool. It is for this reason you need to be aware at all times what is preoccupying your mind.

Is it negative or positive?

If you are focused on all the negative crap in your life…well then that’s all you are going to see.

I’m not trying to over simplify things here. I know life can suck a shitload. But if you are focused on how your dating life sucks for you, that’s all you are going to see..negative shit. You will NOT see the opportunities to turn things around.

Think solutions not problems! you are what you think.

Appreciate:

It is so easy to get preoccupied with problems in life/dating we tend to forget WE ARE ALIVE! Appreciate your food, life, your roof, your friends and family and so on. This can not only turn a sour mood into a more positive one within minutes but also help you notice possibilities you have missed or forgotten. This can only serve to create an open vibe within you.

It’s a process that you need to keep working on. ( *insert kumbaya chorus here* )

Surround yourself with Abundance mentality people:

I remember back in the day when my mom used to scold me about some of the friends I kept. She used to say “I don’t want you hanging with those boys blade, they are no good for you” I never really understood this until later in life. Looking back, half of those mofos are complete losers now and me…well…I’m a baller now…but that’s beside the point.

Misery loves company. Is the company you keep a bunch of miserable mopes who have nothing better to do but feel sorry for themselves?

When it comes to dating it it’s the same thing, why not hang out with someone that’s good with women. You are bound to learn a thing or two about their attitude how they carry themselves.

Be selective with what you put into your mind. Create your own environment of abundance and place people with abundance in your world.

Yeah, I think that’s all I have to say on that.

*Takes a Puffs from a cheffy flavoured hubbly*

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8 Responses to “Scarcity Mentality: The Reason We Get and Act Desperate”

  1. Very well put man!

    It’s always so easy to fall into this type of “rut”. We tend to know exactly where we are headed, what we are doing, but usually fool ourselves otherwise by justifying everything with excuses and reasoning that, well, is completely messed up.

    Your company you surround yourself with is EXTREMELY important as you say. If there are those around you that are moping as you say, it’s never going to help and they end up supporting your misguided thoughts and ideas. UNCOOL

  2. StarStripe says:

    Similar theory to the “Just in case” and “just in time” theories – basically that you get emotional hoarders, food hoarders, and the ‘stuff’ hoarders we all know.

    Basically, emotional hoarding is when someone thinks “just in case” ie “I’ll stay with my violent, red-neck husband, just in case another one doesn’t come along”. The “just in time” part is the opposite – it means to have a little faith in life. “I think I will leave my violent, red-neck husband, another one will come along just in time.”

    I read this in Oprah Magazine, so it must be true. Like, totally.
    Actually it does make sense :)

  3. Holly Vegas says:

    Nice one Blade, I wholeheartedly agree, I also had the the “speech” from my Mom about the company I kept, I dont speak to those people now and some of them are still at the low end of the scale and the others well, the may have been important once but they werent good for me.

    I am an avoidest at heart, if someone is making me feel down moemfing around then I dont want to be around them because it gets me down, always the eternal optimist.

    I am so glad that I have the friends that I do and the confidence to know the difference between a complete psycho and one that is worthy of my time – the nympho dyslexic sent me 5 texts and a looooooong v/mail, very desperate, I however am not.

    Hanging out with players, I agree, I have learnt alot from my boy-friends, they do help to shape how you see things and to stop you from making the mistakes that you could have made because you were too blinded by lust to know the difference.

    No more negative, its time to get out there and play the game.

    Love the game!!

  4. Cath Scott says:

    Oh wow guy, you speak a truth I needed to hear today!

  5. scott says:

    So where does genuine lonliness play into this theory? What if one is indeed very lonely?

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