I found this hilarious email exchange between a cheating girlfriend and her boyfriend. I just had to share it.
The first part is a girl’s email apology to her boyfriend for cheating. The second is his hilarious reply…
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly, truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you.
It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L! ‘ for ‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’. You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid thing’; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24 hours straight.
The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
Brad
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OUCH!!! Very harsh but well deserved!
Hehehehehe, pwned!
Bit harsh I must say…his mistake was to date this chick exclusively… he should have screened better, this chick is clearly a freak and not a good candidate for a long term relationship.
Harsh?!
she was in a public toilet sucking someone else’s penis for 45 mins while he was waiting!
the same thing in a 2 hour span?!
a bit harsh?!
HAHAHA!!!!! it’s brilliant, what a tart!
her “apology” wasn’t even really an apology it was more complaining to him about how what she had done was making her feel bad and she wanted him to tell her it was ok so she could feel better. Totally self absorbed.
Classic! I’ve had this forwarded to me and I love it!
I thought the response was witty and funny accept for the comment about her thighs. Yes, you are mad, but that comment could be detrimental to her for a very long time. How would you feel if you were told you had a small penus or you have an ugly sex face? I can’t imagine it wouldn’t make you self conscious when you start dating someone new.
Aan stephanie ik ben martin zou jij mail verkering met mij willen
vin je wel lief en leuk mailme
I think he hit the nail on the head with every word….I only find fault that he liked those thunder thighs when he was getting it so he shouldnt complain about them now~ maybe he should have checked on her while she was in there so long. Then he could have called her out right then!~ I’m sorry doesnt fix everything……
well sad and i truly salute you brother she deserved every swear word you had at least you didnt do anything drastic you had in mind and for sister how dare?
Hahaa, funny; but really she did deserve that. He should have got to know how she reacts to other men, her personality. Naughty Elizabeth…
Subtle, but a deep stab nonetheless. Much respect! The thunder thigh was a little much though, for a girl. But when you’re upset, you’re entitled to use EVERYTHING that is offensive to the other person. If I’m piss at someone, and they got a stump leg, I’m gonna talk about the leg. Don’t like it, shove a pencil in your eye, or I can do it for you if you come toward me with it
Sry I got to take da girl side. Brad u should have knew ur girl was a freak n she love freaky things. U should have been gettin a blow job n da restroom. Guest u wasnt man enought. Now Beth is a whore but she dont care. Hell me n my girl had sex n the ladies restroom before lol but I was with my girl. One note u can go after her alone u need to beat da guy she was with ass 2