Has this ever happened to you? You walk into your favourite bar and you notice a group of giggling girls sat at a table. You notice one in particular. You want to talk to her but you have no idea how to get her attention through all her friends. Hot girls always seem to roll in groups sometimes in groups of just girls other times with some guys. I’m often asked what are the basic rules of approaching a girl that is in one of these intimidating groups.
First thing you need to do is find a strategy to force you to get over your approach anxiety.
My favourite strategy is simple. Hand your wingman your wallet, your keys and your (motorcycle) cell phone. His job is to not hand them back until you have gone over there and talked to the group. No drinks or food neither.
Walking up: this mustn’t be different than walking up to a bunch of good friends. Take your hands out of your pockets. Look only at them, and discard the surroundings. You want to be aware of the present moment, but not distracted by it. Also, don’t move in too close: you don’t want to intrude their space. Stop close enough but don’t lean forward.
Posture: leaning in is bad. You’ll be an intruder invading the group’s space, plus, it you’ll appear needy and clingy. Instead, you want to lean back just a tad, with your feet slightly apart. Own the ground you stand on. You will take up some space and it will show that you’re easy and comfortable.
Smile, but don’t overdo it: with a bright smile, you radiate positive energy. By smiling all over the place at everything they say and do, though, you’ll go overboard. Let your face mirror a positive attitude, but be serious or deadpan when needed, e.g. when delivering a funny line.
Gestures: as I said earlier, hands out of your pockets! Use them while you speak. For starters, fold your hands in front of your chest for a good vantage point. I always emphasize looking into people’s eyes, so do it. Plus, address them all. Do focus on one person so you won’t appear all over the place, but give regular attention to the others to engage them. You’ll see that the person you address will become an anchor as you keep the others involved.
What to do and say
Don’t wait to approach her until she’s alone. Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away. However if you approach her and she’s with friends, make sure you don’t ignore them. Pay attention to everyone in the group. If you win over her friends, you’ll win her.
Don’t stress too much about what to say! It can be any variety of things from “Hi” to “I like the circus!” What’s always worked best for me is clear, straightforward honesty: “Hi. You guys look like fun, so I decided to come over and meet you!”
Don’t stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching. If you wait too long, two things may happen: she will catch you staring at her and think you’re a creep; or you’ll start to get nervous and blow it. This is called the three-second rule, and it was coined by a pickup artist known as Mystery.
Don’t be afraid to approach her just because there are men in the group. Often, you’ll discover that she’s with family, friends, or co-workers and, unlike the all-female groups in the room, she hasn’t been approached by any interesting men.
Give yourself a time constraint. As soon as you approach a group, the first thing they think is: “How long is this guy going to stay here?” So put their fears to rest by saying that you can only stay a minute, and then they’ll be more likely to hear what you have to say.
Everyone loves to hear about themselves. So the secret to staying in the group after telling them you are going to leave is to demonstrate value. One way to do this is to teach them something about themselves, whether it be through intelligent observations or comments on their body language.