Solid Game

Real World Attraction and Charisma

A Woman’s Guide To Approaching Men

Posted by Blade On January - 19 - 2010

OK, before I begin there are 2 questions that I would like to ask you. Are you of the opinion that a guy should instantly see all you have to offer and you shouldn’t have to work for it? You are not satisfied with your current dating life, you want more but you don’t feel that you should change or adjust your behaviour?
If your answer is YES to ANY of these questions, I kindly request that you close my website and move on.

Oh, you still here, Great! lets begin.
For many months there has been a common theme amongst  my single female friends with regards to dating. They always tell me how difficult it is to meet a decent guy! A few theories have come up about this.

The most popular one is this. Some say it’s a Cape Town phenomenon, the fact being that the ratio of single men to women in this town is something like 3:1 and that even if you do meet a handsome successful man who has his shit together… he is either married, has a girlfriend with whom he is loyal to or… is completely gay.

Truth bomb: I think most women use that as an excuse!

There is no doubt it is difficult to meet someone special but to cite lack of numbers as the problem is bullshit in my opinion.

I am friends with a lot of men that are  accomplished, smart, have their shit together and are completely single and complaining about the same thing about women. The whole point of this blog was to help them out and hopefully you too.

Background:

Why take advice from a guy on how to meet guys?
Insider trading is illegal on Wall Street cause it gives you an unfair advantage.

It’s not illegal in dating!

Over the years I have been approached by women I kind of have an idea of what works and doesn’t in my opinion. It’s very subjective but I’m pretty sure you will find something that helps your game.

I’ve also pooled together some of the opinions of my  girlfriends who have met their man and advice on what worked for them.

In my non-scientific research (just basic common sense) I found that much of the same advice I would give to men is the same as the advice I would recommend to women. Take a read at the stuff I’ve written for guys, you might find something that works for you.

First Things First:

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT:

It is OK for a woman to approach a man! It shows that you are confident and that you know what you want. REAL men really like that. this also acts as a filter as this scares off boys.

Gone are the days of Jane Austen. The fantasy romance books are just that…..fantasy.

Knights don’t wear shining armour anymore. They rock Springleap* t-shirts and ride scooters and such.

Drop The Bitch Shield:

The bitch shield is a time management tool to most women. After getting hit on a few dozen times a day every day, it proves to be the most effective way of warding off the barrage of boredom and jerks.

The only problem with the bitch shield is that it sometimes wards off truly decent guys who don’t really know how to approach you.

BUT there is a line…and most women know this! Hiding behind your bitch shield to protect yourself from being hurt, rejected etc. it’s a security mechanism to protect your insecurity.

Your bitch shield does not give a Mr Right a chance to see your funny, smart, caring and charming personality.

Be prepared to step outside your comfort zone. Only YOU are your own worst enemy.

The Fear Of Rejection:

I give this same advice to men.

Its REAL.

It’s doesn’t really go away

Get over yourself.

DEAL with it.

Simplistic, I know. Let me explain.

It’s REAL: Accept that it is there! Don’t try pawn it off.
NO, you Don’t know if he is gay until you go and find out.
NO, you DON’T know that he has a girlfriend until you find out.
NO! he is NOT too hot for you.

It’s doesn’t really go away: It’s human nature to want to be accepted. So the fear of rejection doesn’t really go away. KNOW THIS. Hey..Love is a risk but the rewards outweigh them.

Get over yourself: You will come up with all kinds of excuses not to make that first move. Suppress that inner-wuss. YOU are your own worst enemy. Purge those negative thoughts.

DEAL with it: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. – Einstein.

Confidence:

Learn how to be confident if you aren’t already.

Like I said before, the very fact that you approach a man shows him that you are confident.

After this, it’s a matter of being congruent with this. Remain confident during the rest of the interaction.

Another simple way to display confidence is to maintain a fantastic posture.

Point: Emasculating the man isn’t a sign of confidence!

I’ve had incidences where a girl approaches me, and then proceeds to throw an inappropriate amount of insults at me. Now I know she was just trying to flirt with me but she went too far and turned out to just have a bitchy attitude. As cute as she was…she was just too much work. I moved on.

Eye-contact and A Killer Smile:

For a normal guy’s point of view it is difficult enough to approach a woman that seems friendly let alone one that has the “im-too-hot-for-you-but-you-can-try” face on.

If you are interested in the guy, why not make it easy for him!

Sometimes all a guy needs to approach YOU is a warm smile and eye contact. Little does he know, you actually approached him. This is a passive approach. As a guy, sometimes that’s all I need to go say hello.

A smiling and eye contact during the conversation would make him less nervous and more natural. But you already knew this…right?

SHUT UP!

So you have approached and you are talking to him…do you find that you are the only one talking? I know when some women are nervous they tend to talk a lot. They try to fill the silences with something.

The danger here is that you come off as someone who just wants to talk about themselves. This is rather frustrating for guy.

A good technique is to ask him leading questions. Allow him to talk about himself, helps with his ego and confidence if he is a nervous type guy.

Try not to have typical “where are you from?” “what do you do?” type linear conversations. Sure these questions are important to getting to know a person. But pepper in random interesting questions. If you don’t know what questions, prepare some before hand so you have them ready whenever.

Remember, you are having fun!

Get Him to Do something For you:

No No, not what I mean, get your mind out the gutter.

Men have this thing built inside of them that I like to call “The Superman Complex”.

They love to DO stuff for women. You have heard some of them say “For You, I’d Kill The Bull”.

They like to feel as though they have saved the day or at least helped save the day.

Knowing this can really help you with the approach.

Stuff like asking his opinion on something asking his advice on a subject that is typically attributed to men.

Asking him to recommend something is also a great conversation starter.

A few Saturdays ago a girl asked me what English football team I would recommend for her to support. I thought that was brilliant!

I suggested Arsenal…denounced Manchester United. We had fun debating why…she amazingly asked me for my Facebook details she we could continue the debate. I was picked-up.

She was confident, fun and at ease. Quite refreshing.

Conclusion:

Perhaps in later posts shall get into the more technical tricks and tips. This should be enough to get you thinking.

As always, your opinions are most welcome.

Remember ladies, YOU are the prize! Give him a chance to impress you.

*SpringLeap : is just an example. They do not endorse no disagree with this msg. they got some nice tshirts though
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79 Responses to “A Woman’s Guide To Approaching Men”

  1. Nadz says:

    totally agree – women are the prize , but its now 2010 & ladies are more independent . yes we want to be loved , but for some walking up & picking up the guy could be a sign of desperation. and besides all i own – i got for myself , its great to know your man can do something . pick -up the girl , regardless how “bitchy” she might look . Maybe you’re the man to meke & change all that about her . i love your sense of understanding why women act certain ways, so single men in Cape Town especially , please make yourselves seen . i have some single girlfriends looking for good, strong, mature men . who knows that could even be you . lol

    • Blade says:

      No doubt men need to take the lead role. but lets face it…some it not most men don’t get the hint that they should MAKE A MOVE!.
      it certainly helps if the girl pushes him in the right direction.

      but ultimately, Cape Town guys have YET to break that swack reputation of being slackers.

      • Gillian says:

        Haha – this from the man who’s FB status today was: “A womans job is to try and take control of the man, a mans job is to not let that happen.”

        • Blade says:

          LoL,
          A man can’t NOT let something happen that ISN’T happening at all… if you catch my meaning ;-)

          How are you beenzie!!?

          • Gillian says:

            Lol…don’t get it at all! You’re back-pedaling, buddy!

            I’m good thanks, just miss CT and the Hood!

  2. al_ice says:

    That’s some good advice, Blade.

    Some of the things that worked for me:
    * I used to go out to have fun – dance, flirt, whatever. I didn’t go out to “pick up a man”.
    * I flirted – shamelessly – little things like telling some stranger that he had amazing eyes, as I squeezed past him at some club.
    * I was never rude to any guy unless he stepped over the line.
    * When someone I was interested spoke to me, I didn’t play games. I was always straighforward about how I felt and what I wanted.

    Most men ran and hid, but there were many that didn’t. #funtimes

    I think that everyone must find their own “style” of doing it so then #gowiththeflow

    PS: Maybe I should try my own tricks again – I think I may be ready!

    • Blade says:

      There are no rules…just guidelines.

      I should have added. it is up to the woman to find the style that works for her. true sory

  3. al_ice says:

    Oh! Almost forgot to say, I have NEVER been picked up by a guy…. I have always been the one picking up!

  4. Joe says:

    Yup, eye-contact and smile.. good advice.

  5. Arthur says:

    As a man – it’s a tug-o-war. If I eyeball a woman I could be a freak or I could be that sexy guy across the room. If I’m approached by a woman it doesn’t matter what she looks like but at the same time it does: If I’m not attracted to her but she’s a lovely person I’ll flirt with her but keep my distance physically. If I’m attracted to her I’ll make any excuse to touch her – eventually try to kiss her, and probably make a fool of myself because although I’m respectful and will deliberately NOT try to climb into her panties the woman will still assume I am – I think women generally have a distrust of men, expect too much and when it’s not like a Hollywood moment (or alcohol is involved) slam the poor lads head into the cocktail he just spent his last penny buying her.
    Okay Blade – so a Man must take control and make his move – let’s say ALL men should do so – even the ugly, hairy sweaty ones that nobody wants – how are they going to feel when women reject them? CRAP! Nobody wants to feel like shit. Guys don’t want to be shot down in flames, so they ignore the nice girls and go for the slutty ones. Just like women attract the bad boys who crush their hearts – because it’s only the arrogant dicks that (in most cases, not all!) that fear nothing.
    STILL – on both sides – the nice girl needs to reassure the nice guy that it’s okay if he or she approaches you – doesn’t mean either will get lucky OR that any sex will happen, but at least the two parties had the gumption and the excitement of flirting, talking, and feeling good that someone found them attractive.

    • Arthur says:

      … Sorry meant to add – neither party should have an agenda (the guy / girl wanting to get laid / the girl / guy wanting the partner of their dreams / insert wish list here) – it’s fun to flirt though, and at the end of the eve I guess feelings might be hurt :-(

  6. Brian Cox says:

    Thanks Blade!

    It’s so true, all I ask is that a woman makes it clear to me that she’s keen to chat. I’ve had so much crap from women that I’m really withdrawn. It’s easy to speak to women that I’m not interested in, or almost any guy, but dammit, the appealing women are just too much for me. That bitch shoeld as you called it, that kills me.

    Women, please, all I ask is that you show me that you won’t humiliate me if I say hi. That’s really not too much to ask. And if we talk, please bo honest. If you’re not interested, then say so. What’s the deal with leading a guy on? If you say you’re keen, then I put you on top of my very short list or priorities, so you’d better want to meet again!

  7. Bobbi Palmer says:

    Wow! You hit many of the main points that I teach my women clients. I would add in the Shut Up! column: Men hate to feel they’re being interviewed. Your questions should be light, yet extract answers that tell you about his personality, likes and dislikes, even his views on dating. But asking about his divorce, relationship with his Mother, or if he wants kids…that needs to wait. (The same goes for telling him deep personal things about you when you first meet. Chill…and like he says..just have fun.)

    • Blade says:

      Ola bobbi!
      thanks for reading. wonder where you find this post actually.

      I have been on interviews that were much easier that some first dates I’ve been too.
      the woman kept asking me about my future plans, kids, and hell o remember her asking me what Investments i had for my future.

      ITS A FIRST DATE! i didn’t know if I liked her that much. hahaha.
      too much too soon.

      I’m glad you agree.

      • AstroDate says:

        I am SO with Blade and Bobbi here! I organise dates for single professionals. If it is a group date, then I also engage in the conversations, making sure the conversation flows lightly and doesn’t get bogged down in “how many kids to you want to have” and my worst nightmare “what my ex did to me”. He he, the girl that asked you about your future investments was probably a Taurus!

  8. MissyE says:

    Still can’t believe you referrenced Jane Austen as the fantasy romance….Grrrrr

  9. Brian Cox says:

    Hey Blade

    Your interviews and dates probably don’t match up to this…

    I hooked up with this woman on one of these horrible dating websites. She was appealing more because she speaks French than anything else, because I have a smattering of French, so it kinda linked us.

    We met at a mutually agreed pub for a drink. Nothing too hectic, one Saturday afternoon. We met outside, walked in together, and had barely found a table when she told me that she had most of her womanly innards removed!

    We hadn’t even ordered a drink yet, and I was privvy to WAY too much information about her giblets!

    Another woman occupied what must count as my most painful half hour ever, by describing in detail her dysfunctional family. The sister was 19 and wanted to break up with her boyfriend but the 3year old (yes, do the maths) child was a problem. Her mother was hooked on cocaine, and her father was unemployable for some odd reason. etc.

    Ladies, please, I implore you, these details are important, but NOT within half an hour of meeting! As Blade said, let us know you’re interested, and keep it light and refreshing! Try to make us want to call you the next day! No-one said we must get married. We can broaden our social circle too, and who knows who you’ll meet through us!

  10. Brian Cox says:

    Ja well, that was in Durban. Maybe the humidity screws up their brains over there! I had another one try her luck, but I backed off. She was independent, 24 years old, working full time, but we had to meet at her parents’ place for me to receive an intensive interview! Sorry, if you’re too immature and irresponsible to conduct yourself without your parents guiding you every breath of the way, then maybe you should be looking at the Grade 9 class.

    Don’t want to bore you, I could write a book on my dating experiences!

    Hopefully one of Nadz’ mid to late 20′s friends is more normal and keen to meet for a coffee or a drink…

    • Nadz says:

      what tickles your fancy Brian ? curvy? skinny ? tall ? short ? or have you reached the “it doesnt it matter anymore” phase , lol

      • Brian Cox says:

        Well, it’s a pretty normal-sized fancy, really, so she mustn’t expect anything too spectacular!

        It definitely does matter! Basically, this is ideal. Let’s see how close she can meet it.
        Employable, even if currently between jobs, and then she’d better be making some plan aside from marrying wealth.
        Responsible
        Able to conduct a sensible conversation
        Adventurous, but not lunatic
        Any height up to 1.85m is cool
        BMI under, say, 23 (that’s mass over the square of height, BTW), which means slender to ave, NOT chubby or obese!
        Long brown hair, the darker the better
        Oval shaped face preferable over round face
        Minimal make-up! Her natural beauty must shine through
        Low maintenance
        Reliable (if she says she’ll be be ready at 8pm she’d better be ready at 8pm, or have a really good reason why she’s late)
        Respectful
        Dare I say it, at least mildly horny, but not a nympho!
        Not a barbie or supermodel wannabe, I prefer beauty over prettiness and my taste is not that of most guys
        Got her own car, which ideally is NOT a sports car or luxury German Sedan (or Tazz look-a-like)
        Stays alone, regardless of whether it’s owned or rented accommodation
        Independent, but still in need of companionship
        Accepts a guy who isn’t perfect (rich, coming from me, hey!)
        Someone who’s equally comfortable in a bikini as she is in a formal evening wear
        Must have a sense of humour, as varied as possible

        I’m a fussy little fukker, hey! Well, that’s ideal, and I’m the first one to admit that no-one is perfect. So, let’s see how close she meets that lot. I’m always flexible, if one feature is well above average, I can easily let another slip. For example, I well prefer brunettes, but I dated a blonde for over 3years before, so nothing is rigid (well, ok, ALMOST nothing…)

        Oh, and for her, well, I’m 1.87m tall with a 33 inch waist, 74kg, and have short brown hair. I’m clean shaven face, have an ok build. I’m interested in nature and landscape photography, gardening, aviation, and travel. I’m a graduate engineer, and I am actively involved with various community voluntary work, all involving children.

        Hope that helps!
        Thanks for at least trying. Hope someone is at least a partial match there!

        • Nadz says:

          * said with so much love * No ways am i letting a friend of mine even come near you . you really need to be less descriptive of what you want – to atleast get something. dont get me wrong , i seriously dig the ” i know what i want ” atittude. But super worried how you’d be rating a gal on a date – she’s too big, light hair & so forth. when i asked those questions i guess i was looking for : average weight , not too short – or somewhere there. Feel like i’m a consultant on a dating show , lol . But all the best to you finding that lady :)

        • Blade says:

          gees dude…

          fussy little fukker u say ?
          the woman you describes can only exist in your head playa.

        • Arthur says:

          … in the words of a great rock ‘n roll band (Rolling Stones of course):

          “Yah can’t always get what yah waa-aaant!”

          No such thing as the perfect woman or man, everyone has faults…. I just hope the woman of your dreams doesn’t end up NOT dating you because your left toe is a bit too skew for her liking ;-)

          • MissyE says:

            Well if she doesn’t date him because of something like that then it can’t really be the woman of his dreams now can it?

  11. Brian Cox says:

    Hmmm, seems some people missed the part that said “that’s ideal, and I’m the first one to admit that no-one is perfect. So, let’s see how close she meets that lot. I’m always flexible, if one feature is well above average, I can easily let another slip. For example, I well prefer brunettes, but I dated a blonde for over 3years before, so nothing is rigid”.

    You see, I’m honest, and while I don’t quite take the approach of those crazy dates I described recently, I do tell people who ask what I’m looking for. It’s an ideal, a reference point, and not mandatory.

    I prefer my woman shorter than me, and no fatter than me. Is that such a terrible crime? I prefer brunettes, is that so bad, especially since most guys go for blondes, leaving brunettes dateless?

    Maybe she does exist only in my head, and that’s fantastic! At least I’m thinking about her!

    Come on, guys and ladies! It’s a bloody wish list. Can’t you see that? I have dated miles outside that lot before, so I am definitely not averse to that. My one girlfriend was short, tubby, er, chubby, blonde, never wore a bikini, was unbelievably high maintenance, from a very wealthy Upper Fresnaye home, and had no clue about the realities of life and didn’t understand most humour outside of American sitcoms! How well do you think SHE met those ideal desires? But we dated for a few years until I moved away from Cape Town and she was still studying so she couldn’t move.

    Almost anything can happen! If a woman is irresistable, then regardless of anything else, I’m there!

  12. Brian Cox says:

    Thanks Riven16 and MissyE. Appreciated.

    Anyone notice that I didn’t refer to boob size? At the risk of stirring the pot, may I say that more than a handful is a waste…

    Each to their own… ;-)

  13. Rox says:

    Oh man, can’t believe I missed such an epic post – nice one Blade!

    I do however have to add my 2 cents here… I’ve had times when my bitch shield was way up, other times when I have just still struck out – whether this is from that damn shield being up without me knowing it, me not being in the right mind space or me coming out of relationship, I dunno. Other times, I have no trouble at all turning on the charm, but then it’s not always me being myself, it’s more a case of ‘playing the game’ (yes, chicks do this too) and putting myself out there and making eye contact, smiling, batting the eye lashes and so on. Then every now and then I am able to relax and just have fun, like @Al_Ice says and not really go out there looking for anything. I then may happen to catch the eye of someone cute and/or interesting, and things just happen.

    Another interesting thing I’ve noticed is that since I cut my hair (from shoulder length to chin length bob) I have had WAY more attention from almost every male around me (and even a few of the ladies, hehe). The guys at work are not only flirting at every chance they get, they’re also being a lot more cooperative, bonus. And even random guys in the street or in shops seem to be noticing me more – I don’t know what it is, but somehow I score more with the bob. Maybe it’s because I love having my hair like this, or maybe it just suits me… whatever the case, I think having a ‘signature style’ and working what you have is always a good bet.

    By the way, you left out something very important… the fourth reason it’s so hard finding a decent man in Cape Town is that the dateable ones are not CPT locals, they are from somewhere else. Which narrows it down somewhat! CPT men = players, assholes and nearly always not worth anything more than a random fling. True story!

    • Arthur says:

      Bullcrap – you just spent 5 mins of my bandwidth explaining how your success is based on your ‘bob’ hairdo. For duck sake, you must be a baby who has no clue about her own sexuality. If you think you get more attention because of your sucking hairdo and you think that males from outside of Cape Town are better well, happy day for the tourist that ducks your brains out when you’re lying there with your legs spread open thinking it’s true love. GO FOREIGNER!

    • Bernd says:

      “By the way, you left out something very important… the fourth reason it’s so hard finding a decent man in Cape Town is that the dateable ones are not CPT locals, they are from somewhere else. Which narrows it down somewhat! CPT men = players, assholes and nearly always not worth anything more than a random fling. True story!”

      Translation:

      “There are many men in CPT but since it’s reasonable to assume that men are roughly the same everywhere, the fact that I want only foreigners means that I probably have commitment issues, because what I want is best measured by what I choose. But I prefer blaming my lack of committed bf on an external general category known as “CPT men”. But since a random fling is all I really want anyway, things are actually just fine, despite what I wrote sounding like a complaint. The real truth.”

      Dude, you’re not making a good case here. You’ve hit nearly every cognitive distortion listed at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

      It’s funny that nearly every woman I know has a bf. Someone I think is a decent guy too, in nearly every case. The few single women seem to be so by choice. Our perspectives couldn’t be any further apart.

      Good luck.

    • Ladainian says:

      These topics are so cnuofisng but this helped me get the job done.

  14. Brian Cox says:

    Well Rox, methinks you’ve been in the wrong places.

    If you’re attracting the attention of players and assholes, then grow your hair back again! Then maybe we can meet for a coffee or a drink. One of the Kloof Str cafes, perhaps? lol

  15. Arthur says:

    Women are more devious than men. We might shag without discrimination but we do it because the so called nice women aren’t all they pretend to be. Women drive the nice guy to be the bad guy they want. SLAP MY ASS! ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ says the nice guy. The modern woman is so fucked up she doesn’t know a good man if he slapped her in the face and called it love – he wouldn’t want to, because that’s not love.

  16. Rox says:

    @Arthur, dude – calm down, sheesh. I did not say that my success is based on my hair, I’m not that stupid or shallow to think that something like that is the only factor. If you had read my comment properly, you would have seen that my point is that it’s how you put yourself out there – I have varying degrees of success (with assholes AND nice guys), and I do NOT go for the assholes. But ask any woman in this city about Cape Town men versus guys from Joburg, EC, Durban or anywhere else, and they will say the same thing – CPT guys are generally more likely to be players, maybe because they are all mostly interested in scoring tourist chicks. ;-)

    And as for modern women and nice guys, I was in a relationship with a nice guy for five months, and while it didn’t work out, that had nothing with me being a ‘modern woman’ or fucked up – we have even managed to be friends since ending it, and I hope that the next guy I date is also a nice guy.

    So really, real nice guys are actually nice – but the ones who call themselves nice and then make r-tarded comments and jump to conclusions are often not as nice as they like to think they are.

    Oh and @Brian, actually been attracting attention from the right types lately, and think that I will keep my hair like this – as our friend Arthur has pointed out, I would be stupid to think that guys would only be interested in me just because of my hair, right? Hahaha. But if you can overlook the hair factor, then get my details from @Blade. :-)

  17. Brian Cox says:

    Thanks Rox! Cool that you’re getting the right ones…

    Hey Blade, books should not be judged by their covers, nor wine by their labels. And it seems thar Rox should not be judged by her hairdo!

    So Blade, any chance of forwarding Rox’s email address and cell number? Oh, and at the huge risk of sounding shallow, a basic description of her, aside from hairdo (already kinda figured that out!).

    Thanks dude!

    You got my email address, right?

  18. Rox says:

    Haha, while you’re at it Blade, you can send forward a description of Brian (not to sound shallow or anything of course). ;-)

    P.S. Just a hint here, but I do have a blog too you know. Just sayin!

  19. Brian Cox says:

    Hey Blade, don’t worry, I’ll do the description.

    Roxy dear, (ooohhh, now I’m in trouble!), I’m a graduate engineer working as a designer in the Bellville area. I am tall white male, on the slender side of average build, apparently I look like a swimmer (although if you toss me overboard without a floatation of sorts, I go ama-glug-glug).

    Got short brown hair, clean shaven face, no glasses, reasonably wide sense of humour (love British humour, especially John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson – Mr. Bean, not BlackAdder). Ok, so I’m a nerd! At least it’s clean family humour, for the most part. Also love Kevin Bloody Wilson from Oz. And I’ve won prizes at stand-up comedy open mike sessions, so I’m not shy to make a complete fool of myself if needed.

    Average to conservative dress sense – shorts, Havaianas, and T-shirt casually, jeans & takkies if it’s cold, and at work I wear chinos and a collared shirt with leather shoes. I’m between cars thanks to a delinquent on the highway a couple of weeks ago.

    I have my own house, at which I perform one of my hobbies, gardening – indigenous only, hey! I also enjoy photography, the occasional stroll on the beach or the mountain, and the occasional decent dinner (I’d rather have one Annapurna than ten Spurs!)

    Bad points? We all have them! I don’t have a whole lot of spare cash (especially now with buying a new car!). I’m kinda tight on time due to my voluntary community work (I do a lot for children in the Bellville area and also via a large NGO for the children all over greater CT). I have limited pairs of shoes, and I replace them only when they’re worn out.

    Work for you? Or is this just waaay too eccentric or painful? Of course, if you let me in on your blog, I might just join you there. Maybe we can chat over coffee or caipirinha…

    ;-)

  20. Rox says:

    @Chris, thanks for having my back hun. ;-)

    @Arthur, dude – no worries, I probably come across as a total r-tard chick with major issues. Not my intention, and sorry for getting a bit defensive there!

    @Brian, sounds interesting… check out http://www.roxilla.co.za and see what you think. :-)

    P.S. Arthur, I’d advise you to do the same so you can see I’m not such a bitch after all, hehe.

    • Arthur says:

      Chris – thanks dude
      Rox – great having a look now – sorry about my ‘bitter drunk’ moment and for being so rude!

  21. Rox says:

    Dude, you know what the funniest part is? Men and women are so similar really – just like we tend to get jaded and cynical about CPT men based on our experiences, guys tend to get the same over their own experiences.

    At the end of the day, you can’t reach your late 20′s without some sort of baggage and/or views. I guess we just have to learn to discard these views and try and put ourselves out there! :-)

    • Arthur says:

      Yup that’s true, although I’m 36 and should know better – had a break up this weekend and mistakenly thought I could drink away my sorrows heheh guess that one back fired! Quite embarrassed actually. I must remember to unplug the ADSL cable if I ever finish half a bottle of whiskey again! I’m generally not that jaded I promise ;-)

  22. Rox says:

    Ugh, sorry man – breakups suck balls. Mine was almost 2 months ago, finally over it and thank god we have managed to forge some sort of friendship.

    Even a mutual, easy and inevitable break up was hard though, and I still sometimes find myself missing the ex. It does get easier though, so just roll with the punches and focus on getting yourself through the bad bits.

    Baby steps, soon it will get easier, I promise!

    • Arthur says:

      Aah no worries – soldiers don’t cry heheh :-o Sorry about your breakup too (mine was the same – mutual that is). Thanks yeah I know it gets easier and to be honest I’m looking forward to a few poker, whiskey ‘n cigar nights with the lads ;-)
      … Oh wait now I can go on all those wild 4×4 camping trips without dragging hairdryers and inflatable beds with!
      Hey I think I might just enjoy being single again :-) )

  23. Rox says:

    Exactly, focus on all the things you can enjoy! I had to deal with chronic arguments aka always being wrong and a lot of related issues, not having to deal with that made SUCH a difference in my life.

    Focus on the perks, best way to get through a break-up. As an added benefit, we have a bumper tourist season this year. :-)

    • Arthur says:

      hahaha thanks yeah you’re right, much better to look at all the perks ;-) Bought a ticket to visit a friend in Austria during the world cup so I’ll miss out on some of the tourism ;-)

  24. Brian Cox says:

    So nice to see you two chatting! Hey Arthur, it’s ok to go to Austria then, it’s their summer, and that’s a beautiful place to be in summer. Besides, just exactly how many single women to you expect to travel around the world to watch a bunch of hooligans play a gentleman’s sport in a country with a dubious international reputation?

    Lots of guys, and some will probably bring their wives, but that doesn’t really change things for us.

    Rox, your tourist chirp was good, made me laugh!

    BTW, you know why guys call girls chicks? Coz they always have a chirp! :-)

    • Arthur says:

      hehehe thanks Brian yup too true, I reckon all the prices are going to go nuts here so I might as well spend the equivalent in another country ;-) Never been to Austria so I’m looking forward to it.
      Going to hit the hay, thanks for the *chirps* and once again sorry for causing a ‘bar fight’ hehe

  25. Rox says:

    :-) Glad I roused some sort of reaction.

  26. Rox says:

    Ye sure, why not. :-)

  27. Arthur says:

    Can I throw a bit of spam in here (it’s for charity, not me I promise) – http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&gid=74974316974 it’s a link to a Face Book group for creatives who are willing to contribute their time / expertise to charitable causes.

    I know it’s not exactly the right platform but it is for a good cause (Current project I’ve been punting is in aid of St.Michaels home for abused teenage girls – which is my personal project), so while plebs like me get drunk and throw my name away over something silly like a broken heart which will be repaired *shortly* I’d like to invite anyone who has a creative bone such as the likes of writing, graphic design, web design, photography etc to help out.

    I’m so doff sometimes – I’m involved with people less fortunate than me and keep forgetting how lucky I am!

    Hence the spam ;-)

    • Brian Cox says:

      Hi Arthur

      Er, perhaps I’m a tad dof here, but what exactly are you looking for? I can take photos, some pretty good ones too, but I’m miles from being anything close to professional. It’s just a hobby that I do but I don’t take it too seriously. That is, I’m not fanatical.

      Charity-wise, well, I’m involved with the Durbanville Children’s Home as a volunteer, donor, and supporter. I help two teens with their homework and to be an adult figure in their lives. I’m also on the committee of the Cape Town regional Expo for Young Scientists (hey, I’m desperately looking for judges, any takers? Pleeeeeeeze!). So I have little time (for this and for dating, oops, did I say that?).

      Tell me what you want done, where, and when, and I’ll say whether or not I can do it.

      • Arthur says:

        Thanks Mr.Cox! Doesn’t matter if you’re the best of the best it’s just a case of people actually willing to help – join the group or msg me on Face Book (don’t wanna hijack this topic here, even though I spammed it hehe)

  28. Holly Vegas says:

    @ Rox this is starting to look like a dating website lol ;)
    Blade as always an enjoyable read, I have to agree with you, confidence is a great way of weeding out the men from the boys. Boys cant handle a girl that knows what she wants, this I know from experience. Vulnrability is also a great tool for getting what you want, we may be in the year 2010 but men still love to take care of a girl FACT.

    @Rox I have to agree with the whole CPT men vs the rest of the world, its unfortunate but true, yes I am generalising, yes its not always true about every CPT male but I do find myself getting my into bitch mode whenever the a CPT male hits on me. The blatant arrogance of it all “I have this, I do that!” Sheesh, does it look like I care. So yes, my bitch wall goes straight up. Tourists are fun, you dont have to invest anything, its a naughty little game ;) .

    I agree with you Blade, you do have to put yourself out there, you arent always going to get what you want but for every asshole that you waste your time on there just may be one who is wonderful, it may just lead to a week, a month or years of happiness, I would waste my time on millions of assholes just for that.

    • Blade says:

      Glad you agree Vegas.
      getting a guys attention isn’t as difficult as some women make it out to be.
      confidence is key!

  29. Jessie says:

    Just a little fyi-The “Bitch Shield” isnt only there for women with insecurities. I use it all the time because I am MARRIED. Guys now adays don’t really seem to care if you are taken or not, therefore, they do get the Bitchy side of me when I go out, because I dont approach them, they approach me, knowing they can see the huge rock on my finger. If Im ignoring you, its because I have to . Sometimes, you need to be more observant. If married women are out with their single friends, dont expect them to flirt with you….

  30. Brian Cox says:

    Hey all

    Been a while! Interesting comments here. Had a laugh while reading the entire trail of chirps!

    Ah well, I’ve not had a social life in the last few months due to Expo, but one of the ladies on the committee has decided to hook me up with her friend. All I know is she’s 26 and single. Ladies, any tips? It’s a braai, so dress is casual. Probably jeans and T-shirt, or maybe a loose collared shirt. My cupid won’t even tell me her name, so I don’t have a clue what I’m in for.

    Guidance always welcome… ;-)

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  32. Michelle says:

    Brian Cox…I have always wanted to go on a blind date-it’s on my bucket list. I see it as one adventure I haven’t had yet. I’m impulsive and the idea of setting up a date this way took my day from the mundane to intriguing.

    p.s I tick a fair few of your boxes. The fact that you do work in the community ticks a huge box for me. My biggest turn on is-intelligence-I like the way you express yourself.

    …so how about it?

  33. Brian Cox says:

    Hi Michelle

    Wow, thanks for replying, and damn, thanks for picking me for your bucket list! Ok, let’s go for it. When? How about we exchange email addresses (er, Blade, any chance you could step in here and assist Michelle and I?) and make a plan. It’s not a good idea to disclose that sort of info on a public forum…

    Blade, please do your magic…

  34. Michelle says:

    How many people are going to see this post really? I’m willing to risk it and post my SPAM email addi cassandranovek@hotmail.com

    chat soon

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