Hey Mr Nice guy
I know I’m the last person you expected to hear from.
Before you hit the delete button, read this.
You are neither my friend nor my enemy. I have no interest in your fortune or misfortune.
For some reason I felt compelled to write to you in the hope that it would open up your eyes to what’s before you.
You are probably really pissed off at me for what happened last night. I took the girl of your dreams home with me. You are probably even more enraged at the fact that she let me and you know she loved it. Its gonna SUCK when you get that phone call from her telling you about me and how “great” I am. When we are over, you’re the one she’s calling to help pick up the pieces. The worst thing is….all this has happened before and will happen again.
I asked her about you this morning. She was a little hesitant to talk about you but after a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream and nibbles in the right places she spilt the beans.
She then told me your story.
She told me she thought you were an attractive guy but she didn’t find you attractive and that you don’t understand what this means. I’ll translate, you got no sex appeal.
She said she enjoyed your company but she didn’t find you challenging you always agree with her point of view and either don’t have your own or are scared of airing your point of view strongly.
You never take the lead. You’re supposed to be the man yet you act like one of her girlfriends.
She loves the fact that you put her on a pedestal but the pressure does get too much to handle sometimes.
There was a time that she thought about you two as a couple, she dropped hints and signals but you didn’t pick them up. You kept waiting for more signals because you were unsure of yourself. A big turn off for her.
She hates the fact that she finds you so predictable.
Your mind is always on things to come, almost never in the present and in the moment with her.
She says it’s as though you sometimes try to be someone you think she will like, instead of just being you and not giving a fuck about what people think.
She said plenty more things about you that I don’t have time to get into.
If she’s a smart girl like you seem to think, well then I’m just temporary and she’ll soon get over me, or i’ll get tired of her…whichever comes first.
She’ll probably sms to come over to my place a couple times to help me “find the stationery”. She doesn’t SMS you because you’ll probably ask “What kind of stationary?”
She won’t introduce me to her mom. She knows I’m not the guy that can father her kids…just the guy she likes to practice making them with.
To put it frankly, YOU’RE the guy that she needs. IM the guy she wants.
Your Mr Right but not Mr Right Now, that title has been reserved for me.
I’m an asshole and I make no apologies for who I am. You either like me or hate me, that’s your issue. It makes no difference to me and more importantly it does fukol to improve your situation.
You don’t have to be me to get her. You can’t be me … even if you tried …you don’t have it in you.
She wants pieces of you, the security, the stability and the commitment but she doesn’t want to lose the pieces of me, the adventure, excitement and unpredictability.
If you want to stand a chance against guys like me in the future you now have the information you need.
I’ve just told you things she wishes she could tell you but is too afraid to let you know because…”you’re so sensitive“ and she might lose your friendship.
Think of me as your man on the “inside” ;P
There two ways you can process the contents of this letter.
You can either fester a hate for me for corrupting “your” innocent flower (which she isn’t… trust me), keep on hating me and her for making you feel the way you are feeling right now.
OR
You can take what I’ve just told you and critically view yourself. You know…the old lemon into lemonade thing.
Well, I’ve done my good deed for the month.
She’s looking for more stationery…I got to go.
See you later masturbator.
Regards
The Asshole AKA The Inside(he)r
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Too true! You know what though, there is such a thing as an in-between guy… they’re damn hard to find, but he manages to be somewhere perfectly in the middle of the asshole and the ‘nice’ guy.
He’ll be old skool with lovely manners, but he’ll still lead – and you can tie him up to your bed posts one night, and take him to meet your mom the next morning.
Maybe assholes and nice guys can learn from each other to create more ‘in-between’ guys?
It really is so so true! Boring is NOT ggod. Always agreeing is NOT good. Being nice is great but only when you are being you – not who you think we want you to be!
haha glad you agree.
lots of guys believe that being “an asshole” means you have to change who you are.
” be yourself, be your enhanced self”
yes that is how things are in life, there is no perfect man out there, but we do hope that communication and the williness to see our faults makes us try harder to be perfect. Sex is important as of one partner is not happy it makes the mole hill a mountain. But if you want my take on things here it goes. If you are not happy man or women please tell the other dont stay and stray, one does not think of the hurt and pain it causes, be honest and true to yourself and partner. And to all who are bedroom shy who better to try out new things than with the one you love, hey you might like it.
whatever you do – please don’t be boring!
Awesome post.
Very true I hope both the nice guy & the asshole read this post! As Roxc says, maybe then we can have more in-between guys – more balance.
Too me, the crux of this post is for everyone – female, man, nice guy, asshole – to BE THEMSELVES.
Genuineness makes the inner beauty shine out. Takes off the pressure of being someone you’re not. Ultimately makes you happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy!
#:-D
Glad you Like al_ice!
You got exactly what I’m trying to say.
Be yourself who ever you are.
and if the person you are is not getting you what you want in life, there is nothing wrong with taking a look at yourself and finding that balance.
I completely agree with Roxc! If only there were more “in-betweeners”. And yes, it’s rather annoying when he agrees with all you say because it shows a lack of self-confidence instead of being a nice agreeable guy. Just voice your opinion and we might just give you a cry of appreciation.
God helps those who actually gets involved with the assholes in life. The are called assholes because they stink
Give me Mr. Nice guy any day .. sex is sooooo overrated 
Hey, that rings true! Thanks, “asshole”!
Problem is, I’m human, not super-human. I also have failures and weaknesses. And sure, there are better looking / wealthier / better-in-bed / whatever guys out there to whom my object of desire will turn when she sees the things in me that the “asshole” mentions.
But goddammit, woman! Stop those pathetic hints and just tell me straight! You want me to have an opinion, and that’s cool. I have opinions on almost every topic. But we’re both humans, both intelligent people with real life experiences, and we’re equal in this! So cut the hints which you think are so obvious and that I simply don’t notice, and be adult enough to tell me what you think.
Aside from the obvious physical attractiveness, one characteristic that makes me want to dedicate my life to you is your honesty and integrity. You expect that from me. We’re equals. Now show that you mean it! It’s cool to be a little unpredictable, but at least tell me where I stand with you. Honts never work. Open honesty always works.
Both ways!
I hope your not looking for a map.
this almost never happens.
whats the harm in taking a little time in understanding the subtle communication of seduction / flirting ?
its part of the process you know..
No offense kinkitty but I don’t want to be you – sex overated? uhm no… thanks but i still kinda like it…
Sex should NEVER be over-rated, sjoe. Maybe I just struck out on finding a guy like mine, but he really is well-balanced. So if he can get it right, then so can the rest of the male population, hehe.
i’m unapologetically a mr nice guy. remember the tortoise won in the end but where would i start when trying to explain that to you.
It’s a cute story, where the underdog wins. Very reassuring to a little kid who sometimes feels left out / inferior.
But.
In real life, the hare wins the race. Cute little stories don’t really work for anything other than placating the ego.
Ok I’ve been thinking and I want a better looking guy in the bed … that one doesn’t do it for me – he just doesn’t have that bad boy face. Ok thanks.
I wrote a post not too long ago about nice guys. I think the sooner people realise that they’ve got both traits, and how to use them, they’ll succeed more, and be more comfortable and happy while doing it.
Great post.
302, in the age of gene splicing.. wouldn’t u consider becoming the rabbitortoise?
thats what were talking about here.. best of both worlds
doesn’t work like – you need to be true to yourself – become the man you want to be – and if you’re a tortoise so be it you can still win the race as improbable as it may appear to the others.
You know what, you are absolutely right. I cant argue with that. you do have to be true to yourself.
Wouldnt you agree, however, that over time we all change, some more than others? so your true self 10 years ago isnt nessesarily your true self now? isnt the journey of life about improving oneself and others around?
I think the real question here is, How is that working for you?
if it is working and getting you the results you want our of life or more specifically your love life well then why change a winning formula.
If it isnt however…
My question would be what are you looking for? And just because things aren’t working out now doesn’t necessary mean things won’t in future or in a different circumstance. I remain unconvinced of shifting from gentleman to bas-tard under the notion of a ‘is it working for you’ there maybe many different roads but that one’s not for me even if it’s not working.
I still want a hotter guy in bed with me!!!
Don’t think you have to be an asshole to score, just confident. Being rude and obnoxious, well if there are women who like guys like that they can have them. I like a challenge, a woman who has a brain, good looks and a decent body. I don’t like it if they cave too quickly and I like it less if it drags on too long. It’s like a “sweet spot” in time when you both realise you’re not going to change who you are, and you better damn well want each other just the way you are. Best sex ever for me is when the woman in my bed was difficult to get there in the first place – not “difficult” as in a stuck up prissy – but where you know she’s just as lucky as you are to be lying there. You can still be a gentleman and not a push over
Well said!
Thank you ma’m. Interesting debate though don’t you think? I wish everyone *had* to post their age up – I think that would be a leveler.
As usual, you nailed it…(!)
Big post, man, there’s lots to learn here…
Thanks Andre
its been brewing in my head for months.
a lot of the above is based on things that happened to me actually. The days when my Inner wuss was dominant.
Sex is overrated in the sense that most relationships begin with sex and then evolve from there…only to realise later on that “oops” you don’t have much in common outside of the bedroom. But it all depends on what you’re looking for. Myself, well I’m attracted to intelligence, self-confidence, and chivalry and would rather go for the Mr. Nice Guy/tortoise than the Asshole/rabbit whose only promise is a very short period of supposed fun. No matter if you are a guy or girl, it is where your interests lie that will ultimately be the deciding factor.
And by the way, just like you get this scenario of Mr. Nice Guy/Asshole, the opposite is also common where you get the Playgirl/best friend situation.
I think by saying “sex is over rated” you’re opening yourself up for abuse
however you do explain yourself clearly afterwards and I agree with the latter. Just because a man is clever and a gentleman doesn’t mean he can’t perform just as well as the experienced “male whore” (see now I’m opening myself up for abuse as well hehe). I think it’s important to understand as much as you can about yourself as much as you try to understand your partner. Sex is definitely over rated if it’s a one way thing, and definitely if there isn’t a connection of sorts. The connection can be purely physical, emotional or both. It’s much better if both people have a clear understanding of whats happening – where if one person wants a one nighter or is looking for love. Then again, a one nighter could turn into love. Or heartache. You just never know 
The nice guy is honest about what he wants, the arsehole isn’t.
sorry meant to add – that also means (and this is where the arsehole scores points if you want to call it that) is that by being honest you can sometimes lose the mystery and excitement that comes with new beginnings. There’s a fine line, so experience, a good heart and giving a shit about the person makes all the world of difference
Legend.
I grew up with just woman, so I always tended to be the ‘nice’ guy who had a million female friends. In all that time of being the (I cringe to use this term) BFF, I very quickly learnt exactly what this post is all about.
So from there in (mid-teens), I was the middle man. Neither all nice & all bad. It’s not about looks, its not about money (although they help), but making her remember you. For whatever reason, except “that f-ing jerk”.
It’s been a fantastic time with the ladies & I’m now married to an amazing woman who I can still be both ‘parts’ with.
Gentlemen, if you’re suffering still, just change your attitude. Then you’ll change your life…
So far, one of the best male posts here, thanks mate.
Firstly, let me just say that sex is DEFINITELY not over-rated. If you think so, you (or someone else) is doing it wrong. Now that I have that off my chest.
Girls all respond to an a-hole, it’s almost fact. 100 nice guys in a club get no where, Mr A-hole chats to 20 hotties, gets ten phone numbers and leaves with one. Now, what women will react to is beyond our control, but what we do with that information is.
I agree with some of what was said here about striking a balance, and most of all remain true. However, having said that nice guys DO tend to get overlooked, so if some “behaviour modification” helps in the attraction stakes, why the hell not.
Thanks to Sensei Blade, my social kung-fu proficiency has increased to new levels. Well at least I think so. I was always passed over and in the last year since shadowing the master matters have improved infinitely.
Use it, don’t use. It’s my first post on solidgame, even if I do appear at various places around this neck of the woods, and I would just like to send my thanks out to Blade.
Scud Meister
Thanks for the words dude.
I gatta say you too have helped me challenge myself.
oh btw…we off to the Dojo this weekend. Master Jacob will be ready for our arrival.
I have to agree, when the 3yr relationship ended, I ended up in bed with a bad ass irishman who made me feel all kinds of sexy, after 3 year relationship destroyed all of my sexual self esteem. Now I am a hot babette on top of my game again and no man will ever do that again, agree and agree and agree, thats just the kind of talk that makes me leave the room. Who doesnt like a solid argument?? The make up sex is hot!!!
Hey guys and girls!
First time Im on this site. Loved the Letter, so true.
What I dont like is everyone above posting about “be yoursself its the always the best way”. Honestly, its not! If your a shy guy who doesnt dare to walk over to a girl and even say hi then dont be yourself. Evolve, learn new things, improve yourself and you will love life alot more than you do now. I promise you !
Have an awesome time and cocky up a bit everyone !!
This is like a big insecure fest hahahaa
For fuck sake if you can’t just live your life, whether you’re a bastard to some or a nice guy to others, a bitch to some or a whore to others, who really gives a shit? The only ones who give a shit are those who expect you to fill the hole they dug in their own insecurities.
My suggestion is grow the fuck up, love yourself before you even dream of loving someone else. If you can’t sort your shit out at least face it, know a little bit about how fucked up you are, be honest about it, and hope the partner you choose is willing to put up with you while you are on the road to getting over your crap.
Alternatively, you could live life without hurting anyone else, have compassion, do a lot in life without reward, do stuff that movie studios could never recreate with special effects – and not give a shit.
Enough panzy crap.
Either LOVE someone and commit or fucking do what you want in life without hurting others. It’s not rocket science.
Not meaning to belittle anyone – just that most of the love angst we all experience has to do with some insecurity or other. Personally, mine is the fear of the unknown. After all my experience in life I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how insecure I am about stuff, I’m pretty much ahead of everyone else in not giving a shit but still caring at the same time
golden glory
awwwsomeness.
good to see you getting some solid activity lately too.
stumbled