This is a topic that is rarely covered by the PUA community. I have my own feelings on this issue.
I recently had a candid conversation about PickUp in general with a good friend of mine.
She recently found out about my involvement in the PUA community and so we spoke about it. After reading through some of my blog articles and a few others she finally told me how she felt about PUA.
- She felt strongly that PickUp Artistry is false / fake.
- She hates the fact that it does not take into consideration that everyone is different. It puts women into a box.
- She doesn’t like the how the community objectifies / generalizes women and encourages men to treat women like science projects.
- She expressed discomfort at how mechanical and detailed interactions are broken down.
She wasn’t entirely negative about PickUp Artistry though. She recognized the benefits of confidence it brings to a man, the benefits of having a plan. She also acknowledged that she hadn’t seen the picture in its entirety, but from what she had seen / read, she didn’t like.
There is some truth in what she says!
Now before you cut my balls of hear me out.
Let’s go through the various points she raised.
She felt strongly that PickUp Artistry is false / fake.
This is a good point. There are hundreds of websites with tons of openers and scripted routines.
If these are the only “lines” you are using then you ARE false and fake. You can’t tell a story that is not yours and pretend it’s your own.
Without your personality, your life stories, your experiences and your memories, it’s just a bunch of Routines and Lines. You might reach a measure of success, but ultimately you will be tested and you will fail. You are just not genuine.
It’s OK to use canned material along the start of your journey to build confidence.
Openers and routines are only there to serve as conduits for your personality.
If during your journey towards getting better with women and improving socially you don’t find yourself using more of your own stories and drawing from your own experiences then you are totally missing the point. You are just a fake.
She hates the fact that it does not take into consideration that everyone is different. It puts women into a box.
Take Mystery Method, for example. It is understandable how someone might look at it and think how the hell this method, when executed by the book, would work EVERY WOMAN?
Simple, it doesn’t.
But if you look further into the Mystery Method or any good method, you will find that a lot of the steps and stages require Calibration.
Calibration: knowing what to do, when to do it. It’s basically being socially savvy. People do this every day in all interactions this is nothing new. You don’t talk to your mom the way you talk to your girlfriend do you?
You cannot tease a girl about the size of her ass when you know she has a sensitive weight problem. Even if you do and you have the common sense to detect that she is truly hurt by your comments, you know to apologize. This is nothing new.
Being a PUA is about knowing all women are different but having the social Kung-Fu to interact with them ANYWAY despite their differences.
She doesn’t like the how the community objectifies /generalizes women and encourages men to treat women like science projects.
Whew, another valid point. You are constantly urged to go out and sarge. Open as many “sets” as you can. Repeatedly urge to try new stuff out.
The only way you can get really good at a skill, any skill, is through practice. If you lack skill in the area of women, well doesn’t it make sense to practice getting good? Won’t this mean experimenting with new ideas, styles, techniques and then practicing some more? Women are not the experiment, it’s the PUA.
Ill be honest, even I realize that calling women sets and targets can be seen as disrespectful to an outsider.
But you must look at it within the context of the community. Because there are systems and methods, there is bound to be terminology. These are meant to define not insult. There has to be a term to differentiate the girl you are after (target) to her friend (obstacle) who will interrupt you or block your attempts.
The terminology also enables to PUA’s winging each other to communicate without people around fully understanding what’s going on a minor advantage.
Almost every community has its own terminology.
She expressed discomfort at how mechanical and detailed interactions are broken down.
Behavioral psychologists break down behavior for a living. That doesn’t send a shiver down anyone’s spine.
PUAs break down interactions because they know all men are not created equal. For instance, I might be great at conversing with a woman and generating attraction, but when it comes time to take the interaction further, I’m hopeless!
These are two different stages in an interaction.
You will get certain guys who use the PUA to exact revenge on women for rejecting them in the past. Yes there are those fake assholes with technique walking around.
They don’t speak for all PUAs.
As for my friend, we probably would have never met if I were not out sarging.
Most people feel that dating should come naturally. People have this notion of romance. Girl meets boy, they hit it off and it’s happily every after. In reality it’s not that easy.
I simply don’t like the idea of leaving such an important part of your life up to chance.
The biggest misunderstanding in dating in the world today can be summed up into one short sentence. This is the message we receive from the people around us, our parents, our friends, movies and popular media. A coded message that reads:
Just Be Yourself.
PUA decodes this message. The real message reads.
Just Be Your BEST Self.