Solid Game

OK, before I begin there are 2 questions that I would like to ask you. Are you of the opinion that a guy should instantly see all you have to offer and you shouldn’t have to work for it? You are not satisfied with your current dating life, you want more but you don’t feel that you should change or adjust your behaviour?
If your answer is YES to ANY of these questions, I kindly request that you close my website and move on.

Oh, you still here, Great! lets begin.
For many months there has been a common theme amongst  my single female friends with regards to dating. They always tell me how difficult it is to meet a decent guy! A few theories have come up about this.

The most popular one is this. Some say it’s a Cape Town phenomenon, the fact being that the ratio of single men to women in this town is something like 3:1 and that even if you do meet a handsome successful man who has his shit together… he is either married, has a girlfriend with whom he is loyal to or… is completely gay.

Truth bomb: I think most women use that as an excuse!

There is no doubt it is difficult to meet someone special but to cite lack of numbers as the problem is bullshit in my opinion.

I am friends with a lot of men that are  accomplished, smart, have their shit together and are completely single and complaining about the same thing about women. The whole point of this blog was to help them out and hopefully you too.

Background:

Why take advice from a guy on how to meet guys?
Insider trading is illegal on Wall Street cause it gives you an unfair advantage.

It’s not illegal in dating!

Over the years I have been approached by women I kind of have an idea of what works and doesn’t in my opinion. It’s very subjective but I’m pretty sure you will find something that helps your game.

I’ve also pooled together some of the opinions of my  girlfriends who have met their man and advice on what worked for them.

In my non-scientific research (just basic common sense) I found that much of the same advice I would give to men is the same as the advice I would recommend to women. Take a read at the stuff I’ve written for guys, you might find something that works for you.

First Things First:

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT:

It is OK for a woman to approach a man! It shows that you are confident and that you know what you want. REAL men really like that. this also acts as a filter as this scares off boys.

Gone are the days of Jane Austen. The fantasy romance books are just that…..fantasy.

Knights don’t wear shining armour anymore. They rock Springleap* t-shirts and ride scooters and such.

Drop The Bitch Shield:

The bitch shield is a time management tool to most women. After getting hit on a few dozen times a day every day, it proves to be the most effective way of warding off the barrage of boredom and jerks.

The only problem with the bitch shield is that it sometimes wards off truly decent guys who don’t really know how to approach you.

BUT there is a line…and most women know this! Hiding behind your bitch shield to protect yourself from being hurt, rejected etc. it’s a security mechanism to protect your insecurity.

Your bitch shield does not give a Mr Right a chance to see your funny, smart, caring and charming personality.

Be prepared to step outside your comfort zone. Only YOU are your own worst enemy.

The Fear Of Rejection:

I give this same advice to men.

Its REAL.

It’s doesn’t really go away

Get over yourself.

DEAL with it.

Simplistic, I know. Let me explain.

It’s REAL: Accept that it is there! Don’t try pawn it off.
NO, you Don’t know if he is gay until you go and find out.
NO, you DON’T know that he has a girlfriend until you find out.
NO! he is NOT too hot for you.

It’s doesn’t really go away: It’s human nature to want to be accepted. So the fear of rejection doesn’t really go away. KNOW THIS. Hey..Love is a risk but the rewards outweigh them.

Get over yourself: You will come up with all kinds of excuses not to make that first move. Suppress that inner-wuss. YOU are your own worst enemy. Purge those negative thoughts.

DEAL with it: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. – Einstein.

Confidence:

Learn how to be confident if you aren’t already.

Like I said before, the very fact that you approach a man shows him that you are confident.

After this, it’s a matter of being congruent with this. Remain confident during the rest of the interaction.

Another simple way to display confidence is to maintain a fantastic posture.

Point: Emasculating the man isn’t a sign of confidence!

I’ve had incidences where a girl approaches me, and then proceeds to throw an inappropriate amount of insults at me. Now I know she was just trying to flirt with me but she went too far and turned out to just have a bitchy attitude. As cute as she was…she was just too much work. I moved on.

Eye-contact and A Killer Smile:

For a normal guy’s point of view it is difficult enough to approach a woman that seems friendly let alone one that has the “im-too-hot-for-you-but-you-can-try” face on.

If you are interested in the guy, why not make it easy for him!

Sometimes all a guy needs to approach YOU is a warm smile and eye contact. Little does he know, you actually approached him. This is a passive approach. As a guy, sometimes that’s all I need to go say hello.

A smiling and eye contact during the conversation would make him less nervous and more natural. But you already knew this…right?

SHUT UP!

So you have approached and you are talking to him…do you find that you are the only one talking? I know when some women are nervous they tend to talk a lot. They try to fill the silences with something.

The danger here is that you come off as someone who just wants to talk about themselves. This is rather frustrating for guy.

A good technique is to ask him leading questions. Allow him to talk about himself, helps with his ego and confidence if he is a nervous type guy.

Try not to have typical “where are you from?” “what do you do?” type linear conversations. Sure these questions are important to getting to know a person. But pepper in random interesting questions. If you don’t know what questions, prepare some before hand so you have them ready whenever.

Remember, you are having fun!

Get Him to Do something For you:

No No, not what I mean, get your mind out the gutter.

Men have this thing built inside of them that I like to call “The Superman Complex”.

They love to DO stuff for women. You have heard some of them say “For You, I’d Kill The Bull”.

They like to feel as though they have saved the day or at least helped save the day.

Knowing this can really help you with the approach.

Stuff like asking his opinion on something asking his advice on a subject that is typically attributed to men.

Asking him to recommend something is also a great conversation starter.

A few Saturdays ago a girl asked me what English football team I would recommend for her to support. I thought that was brilliant!

I suggested Arsenal…denounced Manchester United. We had fun debating why…she amazingly asked me for my Facebook details she we could continue the debate. I was picked-up.

She was confident, fun and at ease. Quite refreshing.

Conclusion:

Perhaps in later posts shall get into the more technical tricks and tips. This should be enough to get you thinking.

As always, your opinions are most welcome.

Remember ladies, YOU are the prize! Give him a chance to impress you.

VENT ALERT! Oh, you don’t want to “play that game”? Think the perfect guy should instantly see all you have to offer, and you shouldn’t have to work for it? . I’ve met a few guys who said they don’t want to play that game either. Women should flock to them because they are nice, and sweet. No points for guessing how that’s working out. It’s not about “nice”, it’s about how the world is!

If what you are doing is yielding you the results that you want in your dating life..then more power to you. If not, perhaps you need to change the way you think.
LIFE DOES NOT OWE YOU SHIT!

August is Women’s month. I got thinking the other day about what I appreciate about the women in my life. I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about women , so this is a short summary of the various lessons and highlights about the women in my life over the years.
Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

Mom – You taught me an appreciation for a strong women and how to cook. Thank you. Just like you said…these points have served me well.

My sisters – You taught me the importance of fully owning the role of big brother. I’m no longer afraid of leading the women in my life and knowing when to sit back when it’s not about me.

Mari – You taught me how to kiss. Less tongue you said…take the mood into consideration..you said.

Rosanne – You are completely nuts and unpredictable. Despite your stormy disposition I learned how to remain strong and steadfast for you. A skill I use throughout other areas of my life. “Just Be Cool”

Charlize – Your commitment issues made me feel better about my own. I thought I was messed up until I met your ass.

Joey – How was I supposed to know that you wanted to be tied up? I’m not a mind reader.

Janine – I was wondering how long it would take you to realise that your wiles didn’t work on me. You are a beautiful girl..certainly… but you are going to need much more than a smile, wink and a mini skirt to wrap me around your little finger.

Shanna – I was impressed when you approached me to chat. That took balls…especially because I was standing there with a  group of my buddies after the rugby game. Glad you liked your reward.

Dida – I thought it was cute you got upset at me because my birthday party had more girls than guys present. I didn’t understand that.

Mich – You let me flirt with you for hours without telling me…you were dating someone…and that she was hot!

Margo -  I don’t think your daughter would have appreciated your attempts to seduce me…despite your boyfriend saying he wouldn’t mind watching.

Tash – Glad you came out. I should have know it when I caught you checking out the same girl I was on several occasions.

Marie – Your douchebag boyfriend and looser friends threatened me for hanging out with you….doesn’t he know we worked together? I can’t believe your now married to that low life. You deserve so much better.

Liz – You should be more discreet when blowing your boyfriend…when you KNOW I’m in the other room. At least close the gawd damn door!

Anne – You keep saying you cannot separate sex and feelings. In the same breath you mention how your fuck-buddy is selfish in bed.

Dine – You were one of the very few girls that I would have no problem calling my girl.

Lena – I warned you not to fall for me…I wasn’t the guy for you….yet you did. Now I’m the douche bag that broke your heart. I understand that I have to be the asshole in your eyes in order for you to get over me…and its ok.

Lolie – Flirting for weeks, only to tell me you had a boyfriend. A little unfair don’t you think ? It was fun..but I can’t do that anymore.

Agatha – ..knowing what I do and my blog…you still think you can use me to make my friend and wingman jealous? Thought you were smarter than that.

Sonia– You really shouldn’t feel self-conscious about your age..you got more life that most of these youngsters I know.

Maja– Asking me for advice on how to have a threesome with those twins that you liked…had to have been the most interesting conversation we have had…Ever.

Juliana – Sorry I had to end it….You got way too loud after 2 glasses of wine…I couldn’t handle it when the people around us had to listen in to your monologues about your preferences in the sack.

Phillipa –Your boyfriend is one of my oldest friends. I think it SUCKS that you have to make him have to choose between us. He now feels guilty hanging with me because you are worried that I’m going introduce him to someone new. You would have never met him if I didn’t introduce you to him that night. You need to trust him, even if you don’t trust me. Hes a good guy.

Robyn – …I don’t understand why you kept me from knowing you were seeing someone…despite having spoken about our love lives as friends. Just found that a little odd.

Nadia – You dismiss men for the most insignificant things then turn around and complain about the lack of men around.

Holly – Thanks for taking care of me when I clearly partied over my limit…I cant believe you gave me a bath! WTF

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” – Oscar Wilde

So I saw this book whilst watching Oprah ( yeah that’s right I watch Oprah ). Steve Harvey was promoting his new book Act like a Lady – Think like a Man.” What men really think about love, relationships and intimacy.
Steve has a very funny and interesting perspective on men. Some of the things he said are absolutely true. Here is a short clip.

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BY Amour Elliott-Setter

If there is any advice I can give women this new year it would be to totally trust your intuition! I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times before, but do you really pay any heed when your inner voice is talking?

We all have intuition. We were born with it. Its our natural self-defence sense, as it were. There are many situations and circumstances that will cause our intuition to be supressed in society, much to our own detriment. If we have come from abusive homes then although our intuition will be quite strong, we may have lost our trust in our own abilities to hear the voice of intuition. If we were raised in very strict homes or boarding schools we may also have learned to ignore our inner voices in certain circumstances. Although one cannot really define in words exactly what your inner voice or intuition sounds like, it can best be described as an inner voice that shouts at you or repeats itself a great deal in certain situations. If you learn to listen to this inner voice you will grow to trust it and your own judgement in time. Many times my intuition has saved my very life or prevented me from getting into dangerous situations. In the past I have also ignored my intuition, especially with relationships. Needless to say those were the relationships that never panned out or ended up being very unhappy ones. How is it that some highly intelligent women who hold high positions in corporate business and who on a daily basis make power-driven executive decisions cannot tell a rat from a gentleman in a social environment? A lot of that has to do with social conditioning and the way she has seen her own parents interact with one another over the years. The secret is to be able to recognise your intuitive voice in romantic relationships as well as other areas. But very often we ignore this inner voice because we are so taken with the other person, that we literally cannot see the wood for the trees. Love really is blind!

The best way to protect your heart is to tread with extreme caution. Accept the fact that women can be easily bowled over by a charming guy. If he’s saying the right words that press the right buttons, you can easily fall into a trap. Especially if you find yourself recently single or in a vulnerable space in your life. Obviously not all guys out there are baddies! But it certainly is better to be safe than sorry. Especially where your heart is concerned. Have you ever wondered why so many women constantly attract the same type of guys, ie heavy drinkers, drug addicts, abusive men? Over and over again? Its a pattern from which there is often no escape, until you learn to take out the mirror and work on yourself. Until you can confront the pattern and recognise why you keep attracting the bad guys. I covered the subject briefly in one of my other articles, where I pointed out what co-dependency is. If you come from an abusive, dysfunctional home where there was substance abuse by one or both of your parents or care-givers, chances are you will have some of the symptoms of co-dependency. When this is your background then it stands to reason that it becomes very difficult for you to recognise what a healthy relationship looks like. So you tend to repeat your childhood pattern by attracting that which you know, ie you constantly become involved with drug addicts, alcoholics, abusive men, etc. While I am not qualified to elaborate on this subject, you would do well to join a support group that specialises in dealing with these sort of problems. Al Anon and Coda are two such support groups which I would recommend to co-dependent women. They are focused on helping people to rebuild their self-esteem and focus on their own personal growth.

Even though you may be a co-dependent, your inner voice will still warn you in the beginning of a potential relationship. You will either be uncomfortable with certain things (maybe you just can’t put your finger on it) or that little inner voice will be shouting “Run! Run!” loud and clear. But you may well ignore this voice because you perhaps feel you are being too judgemental, or critical. Your upbringing may have taught you to be polite and not voice your concerns, in which case it will be more difficult for you to heed that inner voice. Its time to break free from those old bondages that have held you back from becoming everything you’ve always wanted to be. I’m sharing a few tips here that will help you on your way to learning how to trust your gut feelings.

1. If ANYTHING bothers you about a guy, talk it over with a good friend or counsellor.
2. Do not allow yourself to be talked into anything you wouldn’t normally do, ie lend him money, lend him your car, invite him in on the first date, etc. Give him the opportunity to gain your trust OVER TIME. The more time you spend with him, the better you will get to know him. If he’s pushy and insists you trust him straight away, RUN A MILE!
3. If the guy seems keen to dive into a relationship on the first date, be careful! Clearly he has an empty space that needs to be filled by a girlfriend rather urgently. Maybe he’s looking for a caretaker? Don’t be the caretaker. Take your time, suss him out and only commit to a relationship when you’ve got to know him and you feel comfortable.
4. Be wary of losing yourself and your boundaries with a man. It is very easy to become fused with someone very quickly. You start to lose your identity and your whole life seems to focus around this person. Take your distance and keep your own private space, your own private activities and your own private friends. His friends do not automatically become yours and visa versa! Learn how to keep healthy boundaries.
5. If the guy is getting drunk or rat-faced high on the first few dates, RUN A MILE! He’s an addict. And you will only serve to be the caretaker. Know that things will not change. You have been warned.
6. If the guys puts no effort into seeing you or if you are the one going over to visit him all the time, be very wary. The terms of the relationship will always be his to dictate. This will never be a balanced relationship.
7. If you suspect he’s been lying to you about something, trust your instincts. Approach him and give him the opportunity to rectify your suspicions. If you are still not convinced, then you need to question what you are doing in this relationship.
8. Practise listening to your intuition in small ways, every day. That way you will build up your own self-confidence when it comes to trusting yourself.
9. Become street-wise. Learn how crooks and con-artists operate. That way you will see the train coming long before it hits you. Do not trust strangers, no matter who they claim to be. If someone approaches you, either on the street or in a bar and something about them makes you feel uncomfortable, turn away. Rather risk being called a rude bitch than being found a dead bitch! Or being taken for a ride by a charming con-artist!

As you practise listening to your inner voice you will find that you become better at recognising it and you will also become more confident. Men should always respect your personal boundaries and your body space. No means no. If he offers you a drink and you say no, but he keeps insisting, turn away. If he gets too familiar with you too soon, turn away. You have to consider your own safety at all times because nobody else is going to consider it for you.

Amour Elliott-Setter
AUTHOR

Some women will tell you ” I dont buy sex toys..”

This may be true.
The thing you got to realise is that they havent completed that sentence.

The full sentence goes like this:

“I dont buy sex toys…I just always MacGyver one up…”

I found an article on the various MacGyver tools. [source]

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I found a great article on 10 types of men to avoid! check it out guys.

As my readers already know, I recently wrote an article on 10 Types of Women to Avoid that got me in a lot of hot water. “Misogynist”, “pig”, and “@$$hole” were some of the kinder labels some readers gave me. Well, those comments annoyed me as I thought them unfair since I am an all around great guy. Really.

After going into hiding, avoiding the small controversy that erupted at various sites, I am now back and ready for the next round of outrage. Frankly, I thought my article was brilliant and I am not going to be silenced by all the stupid femiNazis out there. I figure if you didn’t like the article, it was probably cuz it was talking about you!

Well, I had committed in the Women to Avoid article that I would write about Men to Avoid. I really regretted suggesting I would do that as it was almost impossible to find male dolls that were not “adult”, and I really did not enjoy looking at all the stupid looking adult male dolls (…and yes, I may someday do an article on them if I can get it through our censors). It only took me about a week of scouring the net to finally realize that dolls for men are called “action figures”. Duh!

So here’s my dating advice on the 10 Types of Men You Need to Avoid, as highlighted by dolls, I mean male action figures:

10. Men Who Are Always Pissing On Everything:

You know the type; for him nothing you do is good enough. You’re too stupid, you’re too fat, you’re too mouthy. Well, the truth is the guy is an idiot trained from birth from his Neanderthal dad to piss all over you and everything you do. Avoid him like you would a pounding headache.

9. Men Who Are Damaged and Like It:

He’s the guy that seems so sensitive and caring when you first meet. He’s able to share with you the heartbreak of a broken relationship. You only find out after a few more encounters that he’s still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone over ten years ago.

You slowly realize that he’s not so much heartbroken but already committed to never caring about someone again. No matter how much time you spend together, you can never get through. Face it, you never will. The padding around his heart (and his skull) is so thick a neutron bomb won’t pierce through it. So give up and get going. He’s like a drippy faucet that slowly wears you down with false hope until you just want to smash it. (See doll here.)

8. Men Who Love Sports Way Too Much:

There’s a fine line between a great guy who loves sports and the raging maniac that loves sports way too much. How can you love sports TOO much? men would ask in befuddlement. For most women, it’s obvious. A guy loves sport too much when they would rather watch a game than spend time with you.

I realize that ALL men fall into this category after several months of knowing you, but they will occasionally submit their whipped butts to taking you out or holding your purse as you shop, just to stop your fussing. But the sport fanatic won’t care that the house is falling apart, that the baby is crying or that you haven’t been out of the house in 4 months. All he’ll want is a beer, a TV and “some peace”. They are hard to tell apart from the normal healthy male but look out for the signs of obsession, or you’ll be stuck watching every lame game the sports channel has to offer and feeding his burping buddies as your friends go out to dinner and to see the hottest new movie every weekend.(See doll here.)

7. Men Who Thinks He Knows You:

These are the guys who think they are Freud. They spend all their time thinking and little time actually doing anything constructive. They have put a big label on you after one date and a night of conversation.

He’s the guy who sits there watching you, with that stupid smug “I knew it” look on his hound dog face. He’s clearly thinking that by putting a label on you, he has you all figured out and knows just what to do to fix you. He looks at you as if you were some broken piece of pottery he’s going to glue back together.

What’s sad is that he still can’t figure out how to get someone to actually like him, so how is he going to fix you? (See doll here.)

6. Men Who Are Prettier Than You:

It’s one thing to date a sexy honey who looks like Brad Pitt, it’s quite another story to be with someone who makes you feel like a manly cow just by standing next to him. You know the type, don’t you? He’s the “metro man” who spends more time fluffing his hair just so and takes more time doing it than you would spend painting a barn door.

Ladies, the secret to feeling pretty and feminine is to never date a man that’s more beautiful than you and more delicate than you. So stop feeling like the turd that’s drying out in the sun, and dump the whiny narcissist. (See doll here.)

5. Men Who Think They Are Better Than You:

Have you met him? He’s all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. He has a laser sharp tongue and can shred anything in sight until it lies in tatters in front of him.

This cold dead fish is unable to break into a smile for fear of splitting his face. He simply takes comfort in feeling that he is better than everybody else. After spending enough time with this guy, you will grow to despise the human race as he does, and crawl around feeling unworthy. Throw him away like you would a mold-filled potato. (See doll here.)

4. Men Who Are Way Too Paranoid:

 
Something about these green-eyed goblins drives them to think you are cheating, even when you are with them.

They are the ones who seem so confident at first, flirting with you and attracted to your ability to flirt back. You date them and find they really don’t like your clothes (too revealing), your car (too flashy), your friends (sluts), your family (too nosy), your job (too demanding), until you wake up one day to find the only thing you have left in your life is a miserable paranoid weird violent man who can’t stand you out of his sight but can’t stand the sight of you. He needs you to have nothing in your life but him, and you will have nothing unless you wake up and get out. (See doll here.)

3. Men Who Refuse to Grow Up:

Well, my opinionated wife says that if you need to avoid all men who are children, there would be no men to date. Haha. Not funny.

I mean other than the normal guy who wants to have his ego stroked constantly and only do what he wants to do , there are those guys who really are babies. Selfish, spoiled, useless little boys who don’t understand the concept of responsibility or self-respect.

These men are the ones who can’t keep a job, who blame everyone else for their own stupidity and laziness, who are constantly outraged that the world is not giving them the respect they deserve. Clueless, they never realize that they are in fact, getting the respect they truly deserve. Hanging around with this type of loser is like having 10 screaming kids hanging on your legs, asking for ice cream when you can’t pay for bread. Lock the doors, throw away his book of excuses and get a spine. Avoid him like you would a …blood sucking leech. (See doll here.)

2. Men Who Think Only With Their Sticks:

Well, as we well know, the streets to the courthouse are littered with broken marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not their brains. They see something they want to poke and it does not matter if they have Halle Berry, Christy Brinkley or Pam Anderson, and their 2 kids, 3 dogs, and 4 fishes waiting at home. These men will do what they know they shouldn’t do, go get the forbidden poke. 

It does not matter that you are the hottest thing since freshly baked pie, a man like this is going to give you a few diseases and mess up publicly right when you are being voted “Happiest Couple” at the Lodge. You know he’s the type to cheat as that’s how you got him from his first wife. Know that you got a weasel in your arms, and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.(See doll here.)

1. Men Who Are Cruel:

Simply put, there are certain men who are monsters hiding behind a thin veneer of charm and sanity.

There is nothing in the world as ugly or as damaging as a cruel man. For some reason, there are men out there who take only joy in seeing someone in pain (I don’t mean like in a dull headache kind of pain – I mean like a big kick in the nuts pain).

People say that it’s a power thing, but I know it’s a sickness thing. It’s sick to be you if you are with someone like him.

Don’t be distracted by the sexy grin or the bulging pecs (or bulging other stuff) on the outside. Look at the inside. Fire is beautiful but it hurts when you get burned. Stay away from these creeps as if your life depended on it, as it surely does. (See doll here.)

I hope everyone is satisfied now that I have fully shared my years of wisdom with both the men and women in the world who need some real advice about dating and relationships. 

Can we now stop the name calling? I am not a sexist pig. I like to think of myself more as an astute observer who realizes that all women are royal pains in the @$$.

Im on holiday. That usually means plenty of day time television. Today I caught something interesting on Tyra ( the tyra banks show..yeah I watch that shit.  She has some interesting hit on there sometimes. Today was about “Decoding your man”. Apparently some women cant figure out guys. I thought we were the less complicated of the species.
One of the segments was how to decode your man by the kinds of games he plays. There were three major types of guy gamers. I got the clip.
What kinda gamer are you?

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Women confuse men. That’s a given. But it’s not because we don’t learn from our past relationships; we just forget everything we learned in the time between one and the next. And we only remember how different the two genders are when a woman’s inherent eccentricities rear their wild head, once again.

To keep things in check, we’ve compiled a cheat sheet to help you keep your girl’s differences in perspective with COED’s 13 Facts About Women Men Forget. So no matter how cool the chick,chances are she (is)…

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 Name: Candice
Location: PE
Age: 25
Status: single

“ I am a sucker for a man in a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing his forearms. Thick chains are NOT cool, not cool at all, but a ring or cuff could be quite hot. The emo thing is over, please don’t wear girls jeans and black nail polish, NO make-up whatsoever, that is gross……” 

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