Wadup. I wanna talk briefly about a type of mentality that drives us to make bad decisions about our dating life. Scarcity mentality.
To explain what scarcity mentality is for those that don’t know, I found a passage by Dr Stephen Covey ( author of The Seven habits of highly Successful People ).
Finally 2010 has rolled around. It has been a fascinating year. A year of many ups and downs…mostly ups I got to say. A smooth winter and an absolutely fantastic 2008/2009 summer season. If you don’t know what happened, I chronicled all the highlights in various posts from that time. Go back and take a read. I’m going into 2010 with a couple of lessons and a shift in mission.
August is Women’s month. I got thinking the other day about what I appreciate about the women in my life. I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about women , so this is a short summary of the various lessons and highlights about the women in my life over the years.
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
Mom – You taught me an appreciation for a strong women and how to cook. Thank you. Just like you said…these points have served me well.
My sisters – You taught me the importance of fully owning the role of big brother. I’m no longer afraid of leading the women in my life and knowing when to sit back when it’s not about me.
Mari – You taught me how to kiss. Less tongue you said…take the mood into consideration..you said.
Rosanne – You are completely nuts and unpredictable. Despite your stormy disposition I learned how to remain strong and steadfast for you. A skill I use throughout other areas of my life. “Just Be Cool”
Charlize – Your commitment issues made me feel better about my own. I thought I was messed up until I met your ass.
Joey – How was I supposed to know that you wanted to be tied up? I’m not a mind reader.
Janine – I was wondering how long it would take you to realise that your wiles didn’t work on me. You are a beautiful girl..certainly… but you are going to need much more than a smile, wink and a mini skirt to wrap me around your little finger.
Shanna – I was impressed when you approached me to chat. That took balls…especially because I was standing there with a group of my buddies after the rugby game. Glad you liked your reward.
Dida – I thought it was cute you got upset at me because my birthday party had more girls than guys present. I didn’t understand that.
Mich – You let me flirt with you for hours without telling me…you were dating someone…and that she was hot!
Margo - I don’t think your daughter would have appreciated your attempts to seduce me…despite your boyfriend saying he wouldn’t mind watching.
Tash – Glad you came out. I should have know it when I caught you checking out the same girl I was on several occasions.
Marie – Your douchebag boyfriend and looser friends threatened me for hanging out with you….doesn’t he know we worked together? I can’t believe your now married to that low life. You deserve so much better.
Liz – You should be more discreet when blowing your boyfriend…when you KNOW I’m in the other room. At least close the gawd damn door!
Anne – You keep saying you cannot separate sex and feelings. In the same breath you mention how your fuck-buddy is selfish in bed.
Dine – You were one of the very few girls that I would have no problem calling my girl.
Lena – I warned you not to fall for me…I wasn’t the guy for you….yet you did. Now I’m the douche bag that broke your heart. I understand that I have to be the asshole in your eyes in order for you to get over me…and its ok.
Lolie – Flirting for weeks, only to tell me you had a boyfriend. A little unfair don’t you think ? It was fun..but I can’t do that anymore.
Agatha – ..knowing what I do and my blog…you still think you can use me to make my friend and wingman jealous? Thought you were smarter than that.
Sonia– You really shouldn’t feel self-conscious about your age..you got more life that most of these youngsters I know.
Maja– Asking me for advice on how to have a threesome with those twins that you liked…had to have been the most interesting conversation we have had…Ever.
Juliana – Sorry I had to end it….You got way too loud after 2 glasses of wine…I couldn’t handle it when the people around us had to listen in to your monologues about your preferences in the sack.
Phillipa –Your boyfriend is one of my oldest friends. I think it SUCKS that you have to make him have to choose between us. He now feels guilty hanging with me because you are worried that I’m going introduce him to someone new. You would have never met him if I didn’t introduce you to him that night. You need to trust him, even if you don’t trust me. Hes a good guy.
Robyn – …I don’t understand why you kept me from knowing you were seeing someone…despite having spoken about our love lives as friends. Just found that a little odd.
Nadia – You dismiss men for the most insignificant things then turn around and complain about the lack of men around.
Holly – Thanks for taking care of me when I clearly partied over my limit…I cant believe you gave me a bath! WTF
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” – Oscar Wilde
Yeap, there is a bug in the matrix, a kink in my game, a crack in wall of SolidGame. I’ve known there was something wrong for some time now but didn’t realise exactly what it was.
The flaw in my Game is Group Theory. Stay with me, stay with me. I’ll explain what this is. Group Theory comes into play when after several months of meeting people, meeting friends of friends and meeting your wingman’s friends and their friends of friends, you begin to travel in groups of 5 or more. Normally a beginner need not worry about this as they would only have to deal with 1 or 2 people. Every small gathering becomes a hive of activity. You often end up bouncing from one group to another but never really settling and having a long conversation with one particular person.
This can best be explained using levels sarging (actively meeting new people). The levels below are derivatives of Mystery’s theory on levels of sarging. Watch it here.
Level 1:
Approaching singles by yourself. I normally don’t do this unless it’s by chance or out of convenience. I prefer groups. This is just a personal preference.
Approaching couples or mixed sets by yourself. This is where I find my social kung fu works best. Get me a large group of people and I shall endeavour to have them eat out of my hand. It’s a great challenge and the main way I actually meet women.
Approaching groups with your own groups. I.E your out with friends, they are going to stay with your all night. You then go meet other groups of people and introduce them to your group of friends. This is called merging. Eventually at the end of the night you have this gigantic group of people getting to know each other. It’s much easier for you then to get to know anyone within the group because you are now one big tribe with you as the creator. You need great self-confidence to be able to do this.
You’ll you are here when you have groups of people calling you at random hours of the night asking where you are and what you are doing and who you are with. It’s pretty cool but in the beginning it will be a lot of pressure. Trust me on that.
If you actively meet people (people not just girls) for long enough you will most likely end up here.
Usually I’d invite a girl that I’m interested out as part of a group event. This way she gets to meet my friends and vice versa. This is normally after we have been out just by ourselves either earlier.
Sometimes the groups don’t gel very well with each other and so I spend so much time bouncing between the individuals in the group. I end up not spending enough time with the girl that I’m interested in. This often leads to her thinking in disinterested in her.
Also normally when you are the one that has organised the merge, you are, out of courtesy, stuck with the merged group. I don’t have as much freedom or flexibility to move on and do something else. Like a host leaving his own party.
I need to realise that I’m in the position where I get to meet new folk organically anyway. I don’t need to actively do the group merge.
I also need to organise smaller more manageable situations. The larger group merges are more effective when done rarely.
Get over myself! Who cares?! Who am I to think that these grown ass people need my presence to have a good time? ( don’t be afraid to put your own ego/pride in check )
We’ll see how this goes. I think I’ll have this fixed by summer.
“Are you listening to me boy? I’m giving you pearls here.”
I find first dates exiting and nerve racking at the same time. I generally don’t call them first dates because I choose not to view them like that. I prefer to go into a first date with the thought that it’s a continuation of the first meeting. Some of the most fun first dates I’ve have always been ones where my date and I were both relaxed.
Of course the venue contributes a whole lot to this relaxation factor.
I have chosen these places because I’ve been there on a first date or they possess the atmosphere conducive to a great first date. Most of the venues here are in the cape town CBD / Long Street so if you live around this area you can move from one joint to another.
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For a good couple of years I have been searching for a winter pea-coat for men. ¾ length preferably.
I’ve tried Woolworths, Edgar’s and all the other stores. but they only seem to stock for women or completely out of stock or they don’t have my size.
Ok I did find one hand made by a local designer (cape town). I forget the name of the store. It was something like R10 000. No thanks, im not paying R10 k for a coat.
Now I have seen them sold online but I don’t want to talk the risk of purchasing clothing online.
If anyone has any idea where I can get this style pea-coat in cape town or JHB please let me know.
You might know JDog from the VH1 show called “The Pickup Artist” starring Mystery. He is Mystery’s wingman and one of the PUA communities most recognised faces. I found this video online of him breaking down what he thinks are the foundations of success with women.
I watched it and I have to agree.
In the PUA community right now not many people are focused on teaching men the tools to gain self-confidence and proper communication. The tools that one would need to cultivate that social intuition.
The pickup lines and routines might aid you in the short term, but unless you address the fundamentals first , you are merely masking your short-comings.
Check this video out.
Rejection is a bitch folks. NO ONE likes to get shot down. It’s a prison.
The fear of being rejected is absolute. Because of it, some folks are apprehensive about taking chances or trying something new. In order to protect themselves from potential rejection, they live really solitary lives. The fear holds you back from new friendships, relationships and even opportunities.
It’s the number one thing that prevents men for meeting women and women from meeting me men in my opinion.
I’ve been shot down more times that I can count, stings a little. But lucky for me I have come to understand a few fundamental things. I would like to share these with you.
Anyone that knows me well knows that im an easygoing, fun friendly, dramaless guy. This easygoing vibe has served me well in the past. One thing that never ceases to amaze me though, no matter how cool , chilled hater free you want to be, there will ALWAYS be some insecure ass mofo trying to get up in your grill about some insignificant ass shit. There will always be a hater hanging in the darkness watching you. Fact of life, sad but true.
Hell these punk ass bitches (or bitch ass punks) might be your friends, family your neighbour… you just never know.
This in mind, I’d like to share some advice on how to identify and deal with this scum of life.
Yeap I was ( and sometimes still am) that guy. The guy that cant tell that shes interested in him. Wastes time and only realises later after the window has passed. He then tries to do something about it but…alas..shes not interested anymore.
So, over the past couple years I have gradually gotten better at this. I’m going to share with you briefly , How to know if shes interested insted in you.
before I begin, let me establish some parameters. Im not talking about women that you know and have spent significant time with already. Im talking about a girl you have just met and only know eachother briefly. Also, these are from my experiences
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