Many of my friends find it strange that I sometimes head out on a night alone. I usually declare that “I am a one man Wolfpack tonight” on my Facebook status. Lots people find it uncomfortable just…chillin’ by themselves. Being the lone wolf is not a new state of being for me. When I first moved to Cape Town I had very few friends. I found that I had to get out there to make connections. This strategy has since paid off. There are several advantages to being a One Man Wolfpack. Let’s talk about a few today.

Agility and Freedom Of Decision

We all know that a night out can take a life of its own. When you are rolling a big group you generally don’t have the freedom to make a decisions. You don’t or might not have the agility to go where the night takes you. There is usually someone in the group who might not be on fire like you. Or a member of your crew wore his board shorts instead of suiting up that evening, so you end up not being able to get into that top class venue that you planned to check out.

When you are a one man wolf pack you have the ability to make a decision and the agility to action it right then and there.

Nights are precious and sometimes there is no time to fanny about.

Finance

Let’s face it, good nights out aren’t cheap sometimes. Pre-game dinner and drinks, cover charge, the cigars, patrons, bouncers tip, barman’s tip, waitress’s tip, taxi ride…this shit piles up! When you are rolling with a crew you might have to subsidise someone in your crew. It sometimes happens that you buy a round of drinks that is not returned. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem buying my crew a round of drinks. But as a one man wolf pack you don’t have to worry about any of that.

Mystery

Probably one of my favourite reasons I like to roll solo. It’s the air of mystery carry with you.

You are suited up, chilling at your favourite cigar lounge or fly cocktail lounge. Single Hennessey on the rocks in hand, contemplative look on your eye. If the ladies happen to notice you, they usually will have a couple of theories about you …from creep to drug king-pin. The truth is they don’t know. Which makes it all the better when you walk over there and introduce yourself. Showing them that you are indeed a charming and interesting guy that has the self-confidence to just get out there and meet people.

Innovative Game

If you find rolling solo is outside of your comfort zone, you need to know that that is a good thing. It’s an ideal position for you to try new ways to meet people and allow yourself to fail. You don’t have your friends on your back pressuring you or ridiculing you when you crash and burn.

Time spent alone is time spent with someone you love dearly. You came into this world with him and you are going to leave this world with him. Get to know him  and give others a chance to get to know him too.

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Wadup. I wanna talk briefly about a type of mentality that drives us to make bad decisions about our dating life. Scarcity mentality.

To explain what scarcity mentality is for those that don’t know, I found a passage by Dr Stephen Covey ( author of The Seven habits of highly Successful People ).

“Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else.

The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit – even with those who help in the production. The also have a a very hard time being genuinely happy for the success of other people.

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flow out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.”

Reading this should begin to form a picture of how this applies to why someone would become “Desperate”.

You also begin to see how it would apply to someone who conducts their dating life with The Abundance Mentality.

When you are desperate, you are just that much closer to  compromising your ethics, standards and morals because you are so scared that you might never meet someone again or just scared to be alone.

This mentality leads you to tolerate behaviour that you would normally not accept…simply because he/she paid you attention out of desperation or the fear that you will be lacking something.

This mentality also causes you to be incredibly jealous and possessive too. You can’t stand to see someone else getting laid regularly. You find yourself thinking to yourself, “Why the fuck is that happening to him/her!?!…what does he/she have that I don’t.!?!” ..instead of being genuinely happy for them and working on your own issues.

When you are interested in a boy or girl and its not official… it becomes a big deal that they are spending time with someone else and not you. Yep it is as it sounds…immature.

A person with a deep inner sense of personal worth does not need to feel threatened by “lack”. They have enough self love within themselves that they believe that external sources of love, affection, attention is just a valuable bonus. They believe that having a girlfriend or boyfriend would be great BUT they don’t feel incomplete within themselves because they don’t have one at the moment.

They are not willing to settle for nothing less than what they deserve.

To achieve Abundance mentality is easier said than done. It is a process. This doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t try. Maintaining the Scarcity mentality costs you a whole lot more than it would cost you train your mind to adopt the Abundance mentality.

Here are a few tips

Focus your mind on abundance.

At the risk of sounding new-agey or a hippy…your mind is the single most powerful tool. It is for this reason you need to be aware at all times what is preoccupying your mind.

Is it negative or positive?

If you are focused on all the negative crap in your life…well then that’s all you are going to see.

I’m not trying to over simplify things here. I know life can suck a shitload. But if you are focused on how your dating life sucks for you, that’s all you are going to see..negative shit. You will NOT see the opportunities to turn things around.

Think solutions not problems! you are what you think.

Appreciate:

It is so easy to get preoccupied with problems in life/dating we tend to forget WE ARE ALIVE! Appreciate your food, life, your roof, your friends and family and so on. This can not only turn a sour mood into a more positive one within minutes but also help you notice possibilities you have missed or forgotten. This can only serve to create an open vibe within you.

It’s a process that you need to keep working on. ( *insert kumbaya chorus here* )

Surround yourself with Abundance mentality people:

I remember back in the day when my mom used to scold me about some of the friends I kept. She used to say “I don’t want you hanging with those boys blade, they are no good for you” I never really understood this until later in life. Looking back, half of those mofos are complete losers now and me…well…I’m a baller now…but that’s beside the point.

Misery loves company. Is the company you keep a bunch of miserable mopes who have nothing better to do but feel sorry for themselves?

When it comes to dating it it’s the same thing, why not hang out with someone that’s good with women. You are bound to learn a thing or two about their attitude how they carry themselves.

Be selective with what you put into your mind. Create your own environment of abundance and place people with abundance in your world.

Yeah, I think that’s all I have to say on that.

*Takes a Puffs from a cheffy flavoured hubbly*

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Finally 2010 has rolled around. It has been a fascinating year. A year of many ups and downs…mostly ups I got to say. A smooth winter and an absolutely fantastic 2008/2009 summer season. If you don’t know what happened, I chronicled all the highlights in various posts from that time. Go back and take a read. I’m going into 2010 with a couple of lessons and a shift in mission.

I find myself wingman-less in 2010. Alas my long time partner in crime The Scud aka The Guy has a significant other. Thats right, The Guy has completed his mission. Needless to say I’m am completely ecstatic, excited and happy for him.

Interesting fact, 2009 saw several of my wingmen and friends hook up with really nice girls…girls that I introduced (not to take all the credit…these guys did their work). Being the last man standing isn’t a new state of being for me. So don’t get it twisted. I’m well capable of being a one man wolf pack. The cycle of life waits for no man.

SolidGame state of mind:

I have a few goals for 2010 some of which I’d like to share with you.

I’m in a very slow process of formalizing SolidGame workshops / boot camps. I have benefited greatly from being taught, studying and learning how I can improve my interactions with women and dating. I’d like to share my knowledge and experiences in the hope of helping others too.

During 2009 I found that a lot of women actually benefit from a males point of view when it comes to dating and more specifically the initial meeting stage. Most blogs and dating advice to women is by women. There aren’t many men giving a male point of view to women specifically. I’ll be tackling ling this issue over 2010.

During the year I made a ton of new friends. It’s normally an added bonus when you run your social life the SolidGame way. However, not everybody you meet will be a positive addition to your life. Some of your so called new friends will in fact be leeches. I call them social leeches. These kinds of people will piggy back off your “social status”. They will be the ones that you are always buying drinks for, paying cover charges for but they never offer anything in return. They will crash over at your place eat your food and leave not even with a thank you. They will use and your name and reputation for their own gain. They want to live the dream..your dream but don’t want to put in the hard work themselves. You don’t need these fools in your life. Yes 2010 will see a culling of the SolidGame wolf pack.

The cycle of life continues folks. I Hope 2010 id going to be a legendary year. I leave you with this message.

Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure

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August is Women’s month. I got thinking the other day about what I appreciate about the women in my life. I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about women , so this is a short summary of the various lessons and highlights about the women in my life over the years.
Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

Mom – You taught me an appreciation for a strong women and how to cook. Thank you. Just like you said…these points have served me well.

My sisters – You taught me the importance of fully owning the role of big brother. I’m no longer afraid of leading the women in my life and knowing when to sit back when it’s not about me.

Mari – You taught me how to kiss. Less tongue you said…take the mood into consideration..you said.

Rosanne – You are completely nuts and unpredictable. Despite your stormy disposition I learned how to remain strong and steadfast for you. A skill I use throughout other areas of my life. “Just Be Cool”

Charlize – Your commitment issues made me feel better about my own. I thought I was messed up until I met your ass.

Joey – How was I supposed to know that you wanted to be tied up? I’m not a mind reader.

Janine – I was wondering how long it would take you to realise that your wiles didn’t work on me. You are a beautiful girl..certainly… but you are going to need much more than a smile, wink and a mini skirt to wrap me around your little finger.

Shanna – I was impressed when you approached me to chat. That took balls…especially because I was standing there with a  group of my buddies after the rugby game. Glad you liked your reward.

Dida – I thought it was cute you got upset at me because my birthday party had more girls than guys present. I didn’t understand that.

Mich – You let me flirt with you for hours without telling me…you were dating someone…and that she was hot!

Margo -  I don’t think your daughter would have appreciated your attempts to seduce me…despite your boyfriend saying he wouldn’t mind watching.

Tash – Glad you came out. I should have know it when I caught you checking out the same girl I was on several occasions.

Marie – Your douchebag boyfriend and looser friends threatened me for hanging out with you….doesn’t he know we worked together? I can’t believe your now married to that low life. You deserve so much better.

Liz – You should be more discreet when blowing your boyfriend…when you KNOW I’m in the other room. At least close the gawd damn door!

Anne – You keep saying you cannot separate sex and feelings. In the same breath you mention how your fuck-buddy is selfish in bed.

Dine – You were one of the very few girls that I would have no problem calling my girl.

Lena – I warned you not to fall for me…I wasn’t the guy for you….yet you did. Now I’m the douche bag that broke your heart. I understand that I have to be the asshole in your eyes in order for you to get over me…and its ok.

Lolie – Flirting for weeks, only to tell me you had a boyfriend. A little unfair don’t you think ? It was fun..but I can’t do that anymore.

Agatha – ..knowing what I do and my blog…you still think you can use me to make my friend and wingman jealous? Thought you were smarter than that.

Sonia– You really shouldn’t feel self-conscious about your age..you got more life that most of these youngsters I know.

Maja– Asking me for advice on how to have a threesome with those twins that you liked…had to have been the most interesting conversation we have had…Ever.

Juliana – Sorry I had to end it….You got way too loud after 2 glasses of wine…I couldn’t handle it when the people around us had to listen in to your monologues about your preferences in the sack.

Phillipa –Your boyfriend is one of my oldest friends. I think it SUCKS that you have to make him have to choose between us. He now feels guilty hanging with me because you are worried that I’m going introduce him to someone new. You would have never met him if I didn’t introduce you to him that night. You need to trust him, even if you don’t trust me. Hes a good guy.

Robyn – …I don’t understand why you kept me from knowing you were seeing someone…despite having spoken about our love lives as friends. Just found that a little odd.

Nadia – You dismiss men for the most insignificant things then turn around and complain about the lack of men around.

Holly – Thanks for taking care of me when I clearly partied over my limit…I cant believe you gave me a bath! WTF

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” – Oscar Wilde

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Yeap, there is a bug in the matrix, a kink in my game, a crack in wall of SolidGame. I’ve known there was something wrong for some time now but didn’t realise exactly what it was.

The flaw in my Game is Group Theory. Stay with me, stay with me. I’ll explain what this is. Group Theory comes into play when after several months of meeting people, meeting friends of friends and meeting your wingman’s friends and their friends of friends, you begin to travel in groups of 5 or more. Normally a beginner need not worry about this as they would only have to deal with 1 or 2 people. Every small gathering becomes a hive of activity. You often end up bouncing from one group to another but never really settling and having a long conversation with one particular person.

Group Theory Explained.

This can best be explained using levels sarging (actively meeting new people). The levels below are derivatives of Mystery’s theory on levels of sarging. Watch it here.

Level 1:

Approaching singles by yourself. I normally don’t do this unless it’s by chance or out of convenience. I prefer groups. This is just a personal preference.

Level 2:

Approaching couples or mixed sets by yourself. This is where I find my social kung fu works best. Get me a large group of people and I shall endeavour to have them eat out of my hand. It’s a great challenge and the main way I actually meet women.

Level 3:

Approaching groups with your own groups. I.E your out with friends, they are going to stay with your all night. You then go meet other groups of people and introduce them to your group of friends. This is called merging. Eventually at the end of the night you have this gigantic group of people getting to know each other. It’s much easier for you then to get to know anyone within the group because you are now one big tribe with you as the creator. You need great self-confidence to be able to do this.

You’ll you are here when you have groups of people calling you at random hours of the night asking where you are and what you are doing and who you are with. It’s pretty cool but in the beginning it will be a lot of pressure. Trust me on that.

If you actively meet people (people not just girls) for long enough you will most likely end up here.

The Problem:

Usually I’d invite a girl that I’m interested out as part of a group event. This way she gets to meet my friends and vice versa. This is normally after we have been out just by ourselves either earlier.

Sometimes the groups don’t gel very well with each other and so I spend so much time bouncing between the individuals in the group. I end up not spending enough time with the girl that I’m interested in. This often leads to her thinking in disinterested in her.

Also normally when you are the one that has organised the merge, you are, out of courtesy, stuck with the merged group. I don’t have as much freedom or flexibility to move on and do something else. Like a host leaving his own party.

The Solution:

I need to realise that I’m in the position where I get to meet new folk organically anyway. I don’t need to actively do the group merge.

I also need to organise smaller more manageable situations. The larger group merges are more effective when done rarely.

Get over myself! Who cares?! Who am I to think that these grown ass people need my presence to have a good time? ( don’t be afraid to put your own ego/pride in check )

We’ll see how this goes. I think I’ll have this fixed by summer.

“Are you listening to me boy? I’m giving you pearls here.”

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I find first dates exiting and nerve racking at the same time. I generally don’t call them first dates because I choose not to view them like that. I prefer to go into a first date with the thought that it’s a continuation of the first meeting. Some of the most fun first dates I’ve have always been ones where my date and I were both relaxed.
Of course the venue contributes a whole lot to this relaxation factor.
I have chosen these places because I’ve been there on a first date or they possess the atmosphere conducive to a great first date. Most of the venues here are in the cape town CBD / Long Street so if you live around this area you can move from one joint to another.

Sinfull Ice-Cream
Where: Camps Bay

I love the idea of going for an Ice-cream for the a first date. It’s different and it’s so casual that you wouldn’t think that it’s a first date even. Approached with the right attitude your date can turn out to be a very playful and fun.
Sinfull serves the best ice-cream in town. You got to try it.

Giovanni’s
Where: Somerset Street, Green Point

I’ve been on several first dates here. Great cappuccinos and also a very chilled atmosphere. You sit outside over looking Somerset Street in Green Point. It has a pretty cool view of the new Green Point stadium that, at the time of writing this, is under-construction.

The Dubliner
Where: Long Street

If you like live music, this is a great place for a first date too.
I wouldn’t recommend you get there late nor do I recommend you get there on a Saturday night. It gets loud and crazy. You wouldn’t be able to hear each other unless you shouted. It does have a certain kind of acquired energy. Be sure you suss out what kind of girl she is before bringing her here.
That being said, this irish pub does have a slightly more toned down lounge upstairs called Kennedys.
Its quiet, lots of couches, with an intimate setting.
Some nights they have a piano-man playing jazz. It’s quite a contrast to the craziness that goes on downstairs.
I like this place because of the contrast it offers. Two vibes in one place. Brilliant.

Neighbourhood
Where: Long Street

This spot is one of my favourite ever joints in Cape Town.
The very first time I ever partied in Cape Town was a place called Club 169, a hip-hop club.
This was years before my evolution. I had a fantastic time and immediately fell in love with Cape Town.
I remember earlier that night I was so frustrated because I couldn’t speak to one single girl despite being surrounded by loads of them. This was one of the first times I realised I HAD to do something about my situation.
Years later when I moved here I found out that 169 had closed and replaced by Neighbourhood.

Neighbourhood is a restaurant / pub / cocktail bar.
It’s rather large with a long balcony overlooking long street. Different sitting areas , booths, couches, chairs and benches.
There is a small library with old books and encyclopaedias. I always joke with my date saying “ If you bore me don’t worry…there are plenty of books to keep me entertained”.
There is a certain vibe to Neighbourhood that I can’t quite describe. Maybe because the space holds a special meaning to me. Neighbourhood Cape Town is now my Headquaters, my Cheers.
It’s definitely a place where you can relax and get to know your date.

Zula
Where: Long Street

Zula is very different for any of the other venues on this list.
It primarily caters for live acts, comedy , bands, poetry etc.
If you are going to go there for a live performance of some sort. Go there early so that you have a chance to at least talk to your date. Soon as the music starts, you won’t be able to have a decent conversation. This goes for any live performance in any venue pretty much.
During the weekends they play a lot of reggae and dance hall type music. So if you’re a fan of Bob Marley and the culture behind that, this is definitely your spot.
I’ve only recently started frequenting this spot, I really like it. I’ve met lots of interesting folk there.

Cape to Cuba
Where: Long Street

The cigar lounge upstairs is great!
Soft Latin beats, great cocktails and beautiful styling.
It’s not a large venue so it’s quite intimate.

I usually use this spot as a great place to start off the evening before moving off somewhere else.

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For a good couple of years I have been searching for a winter pea-coat for men. ¾ length preferably.
I’ve tried Woolworths, Edgar’s and all the other stores. but they only seem to stock for women or completely out of stock or they don’t have my size.
Ok I did find one hand made by a local designer (cape town). I forget the name of the store. It was something like R10 000. No thanks, im not paying R10 k for a coat.

Now I have seen them sold online but I don’t want to talk the risk of purchasing clothing online.

If anyone has any idea where I can get this style pea-coat in cape town or JHB please let me know.

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I watched it and I have to agree.

In the PUA community right now not many people are focused on teaching men the tools to gain self-confidence and proper communication. The tools that one would need to cultivate that social intuition.

The pickup lines and routines might aid you in the short term, but unless you address the fundamentals first , you are merely masking your short-comings.

Check this video out.

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Rejection is a bitch folks. NO ONE likes to get shot down. It’s a prison.

The fear of being rejected is absolute. Because of it, some folks are apprehensive about taking chances or trying something new. In order to protect themselves from potential rejection, they live really solitary lives. The fear holds you back from new friendships, relationships and even opportunities.

It’s the number one thing that prevents men for meeting women and women from meeting me men in my opinion.

I’ve been shot down more times that I can count, stings a little. But lucky for me I have come to understand a few fundamental things. I would like to share these with you.

She’s not rejecting YOU…she just cant!

When you first approach a girl to introduce yourself, she doesn’t know you from a bar of soap.
Ask yourself, how can she reject you if she doesn’t know you?

It’s not like she did a personality test and a psych evaluation on you while you were walking up to her.

There can be a whole bunch of reasons why she’s not warming up to you. It’s a waste of time wracking your brain as to why.

Anything from… they’re dating someone or married…they like you, but have their protective shield up…they are socialy retarded.
The point is, It could be anything!

BUT you are smart enough to know this right? So then why is it that you are still paralysed by the thought of approaching her?

If you are like me, you’re the kinda guy that prefers to focus on solutions rather than problems.

I have writen a bit about this about a year ago in Things to know before you approach her at a club. The approach could be anywhere, it doesn’t have to be a club or anything.

Coping strategy: De-sensitise yourself.

Sterristumpie AKA Mr T and I used to play a few games to help combat this fear of rejection or approach anxiety.

One of these games was called Crash and Burn.
We used to see who could get rejected the fastest or by the most women at a venue. The rules were simple, remain a gentleman, be as entertaining and as creative as you can and just initiate some verbal sparring (witty banter, light conversation).

The more we played this game  it became progressively more difficult to get rejected quickly. Sometimes I would end up introducing myself to a girl that genuinely didn’t have much to say about anything and I had to reject her!

You see the more we got rejected the more we didn’t care. We began to realise how ridiculous and irrational this fear was. The worst that happened was she laughed as she walked away.

Matedor and I used to play a variation of this game where we exchanged each others wallets and cellphones and wouldnt hand them over untill the other had spoken to a minimum of 3 – 5 different girls that we didnt know and held a conversation for at least 3 minutes.

We began to notice that once we didn’t give a shit about the outcome of the interaction and were just in the moment having fun, the girls were more responsive to us. After all we were just a bunch of guys out to have fun and meet people. Just the kind of people they were out to meet.

If you want a more details check out this article I wrote almost a year ago.  The Art Of Approaching her.

Evict you Inner Wuss

I have tried to dispense this advice to some of my friends. Some of them ALWAYS manage to find an excuse as to why they dont approach. Some tell me shit like.

Common reason #1: Im a girl, I shouldnt have to approach.

You are probably right. Im sure your Jedi powers will draw him towards you.
You are not living in Jane Austen times girl! You want him? MAKE A MOVE!
A woman more confident than you will make her move…you will call her a slut and you will end up home alone….pissed off at men for not falling for your Jedi Powers…youll sulk and feel like shit because your Jedi Powers are not as strong as you thought.
thats right…I’ve seen your future.

Common reason #2: Shes probably just hanging with her friends tonight, not looking to meet anyone.

So what…your a fucking mind reader now?!
She could have been chilling with her girlfriends at HOME, out of those uncomfortable heels.
matter of fact….why dont you go over there and ask her if shes chillin with her friends…? Thats called an approach.

Common Reason #3: Shes cute but not that hot. So I’m not going over there and talk to her.

Dude, if you cant talk to a chick that you are not attracted to…HOW THE HELL do you expect to talk to a stunner?
Your not fooling me, just yourself…

You will come up with all kinds of wussy excuses to stop you from making a move. You need to be aware of this.
” Evict your inner wuss! ” – David DeAngelo

MY challenge to you this Friday: Go out there and get shot down like a brave fighter pilot.
Its not about how many times you DONT fail, its about how many times you rise from the ashes of failure.

I leave you with this last thought.

“ In order to get something you have never had before, you need to do something you have never done before. “

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Anyone that knows me well knows that im an easygoing, fun friendly, dramaless guy. This easygoing vibe has served me well in the past. One thing that never ceases to amaze me though, no matter how cool , chilled hater free you want to be, there will ALWAYS be some insecure ass mofo trying to get up in your grill about some insignificant ass shit. There will always be a hater hanging in the darkness watching you. Fact of life, sad but true.

Hell these punk ass bitches (or bitch ass punks) might be your friends, family your neighbour… you just never know. 

This in mind, I’d like to share some advice on how to identify and deal with this scum of life.

In order to understand the process of why haters hate, you must understand the definition of a hater. A hater is “A person whose jealousy of another person success or achievements (socially or career) makes them verbally nit-pick any flaws no matter how small or just makes up flaws in order to somehow try and belittle the successful person.”

Step 1

Instead of getting mad at haters for hating, keep doing what you do that brings hate your way. Having haters is one way of knowing you’re constantly doing something right. It’s always good to have your name in someone else’s mouth, keeps you popular. Even the most dispicable creatures of the earth serve a purpose. So dont trip.

Step 2

Understand that it’s in a hater’s blood to hate. It’s not that they hate you, but rather they hate themselves or hate others who have. The distaste a hater has for you will only grow over time If you continue to succeed, so push forward. ive said it before, there is nott much you can do for someone elses lack of self-esteem.

Step 3

The simplest way to deal with a hater is not to deal with them at all. They seem to always posses a negative aura around them and it may rub off on you if you’re around them to long, so let a hater do their job, drink haterade!

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