OK, before I begin there are 2 questions that I would like to ask you. Are you of the opinion that a guy should instantly see all you have to offer and you shouldn’t have to work for it? You are not satisfied with your current dating life, you want more but you don’t feel that you should change or adjust your behaviour?
If your answer is YES to ANY of these questions, I kindly request that you close my website and move on.
Oh, you still here, Great! lets begin.
For many months there has been a common theme amongst my single female friends with regards to dating. They always tell me how difficult it is to meet a decent guy! A few theories have come up about this.
The most popular one is this. Some say it’s a Cape Town phenomenon, the fact being that the ratio of single men to women in this town is something like 3:1 and that even if you do meet a handsome successful man who has his shit together… he is either married, has a girlfriend with whom he is loyal to or… is completely gay.
Truth bomb: I think most women use that as an excuse!
There is no doubt it is difficult to meet someone special but to cite lack of numbers as the problem is bullshit in my opinion.
I am friends with a lot of men that are accomplished, smart, have their shit together and are completely single and complaining about the same thing about women. The whole point of this blog was to help them out and hopefully you too.
Background:
Why take advice from a guy on how to meet guys?
Insider trading is illegal on Wall Street cause it gives you an unfair advantage.
It’s not illegal in dating!
Over the years I have been approached by women I kind of have an idea of what works and doesn’t in my opinion. It’s very subjective but I’m pretty sure you will find something that helps your game.
I’ve also pooled together some of the opinions of my girlfriends who have met their man and advice on what worked for them.
In my non-scientific research (just basic common sense) I found that much of the same advice I would give to men is the same as the advice I would recommend to women. Take a read at the stuff I’ve written for guys, you might find something that works for you.
First Things First:
GET YOUR MIND RIGHT:
It is OK for a woman to approach a man! It shows that you are confident and that you know what you want. REAL men really like that. this also acts as a filter as this scares off boys.
Gone are the days of Jane Austen. The fantasy romance books are just that…..fantasy.
Knights don’t wear shining armour anymore. They rock Springleap* t-shirts and ride scooters and such.
Drop The Bitch Shield:
The bitch shield is a time management tool to most women. After getting hit on a few dozen times a day every day, it proves to be the most effective way of warding off the barrage of boredom and jerks.
The only problem with the bitch shield is that it sometimes wards off truly decent guys who don’t really know how to approach you.
BUT there is a line…and most women know this! Hiding behind your bitch shield to protect yourself from being hurt, rejected etc. it’s a security mechanism to protect your insecurity.
Your bitch shield does not give a Mr Right a chance to see your funny, smart, caring and charming personality.
Be prepared to step outside your comfort zone. Only YOU are your own worst enemy.
The Fear Of Rejection:
I give this same advice to men.
Its REAL.
It’s doesn’t really go away
Get over yourself.
DEAL with it.
Simplistic, I know. Let me explain.
It’s REAL: Accept that it is there! Don’t try pawn it off.
NO, you Don’t know if he is gay until you go and find out.
NO, you DON’T know that he has a girlfriend until you find out.
NO! he is NOT too hot for you.
It’s doesn’t really go away: It’s human nature to want to be accepted. So the fear of rejection doesn’t really go away. KNOW THIS. Hey..Love is a risk but the rewards outweigh them.
Get over yourself: You will come up with all kinds of excuses not to make that first move. Suppress that inner-wuss. YOU are your own worst enemy. Purge those negative thoughts.
DEAL with it: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. – Einstein.
Confidence:
Learn how to be confident if you aren’t already.
Like I said before, the very fact that you approach a man shows him that you are confident.
After this, it’s a matter of being congruent with this. Remain confident during the rest of the interaction.
Another simple way to display confidence is to maintain a fantastic posture.
Point: Emasculating the man isn’t a sign of confidence!
I’ve had incidences where a girl approaches me, and then proceeds to throw an inappropriate amount of insults at me. Now I know she was just trying to flirt with me but she went too far and turned out to just have a bitchy attitude. As cute as she was…she was just too much work. I moved on.
Eye-contact and A Killer Smile:
For a normal guy’s point of view it is difficult enough to approach a woman that seems friendly let alone one that has the “im-too-hot-for-you-but-you-can-try” face on.
If you are interested in the guy, why not make it easy for him!
Sometimes all a guy needs to approach YOU is a warm smile and eye contact. Little does he know, you actually approached him. This is a passive approach. As a guy, sometimes that’s all I need to go say hello.
A smiling and eye contact during the conversation would make him less nervous and more natural. But you already knew this…right?
SHUT UP!
So you have approached and you are talking to him…do you find that you are the only one talking? I know when some women are nervous they tend to talk a lot. They try to fill the silences with something.
The danger here is that you come off as someone who just wants to talk about themselves. This is rather frustrating for guy.
A good technique is to ask him leading questions. Allow him to talk about himself, helps with his ego and confidence if he is a nervous type guy.
Try not to have typical “where are you from?” “what do you do?” type linear conversations. Sure these questions are important to getting to know a person. But pepper in random interesting questions. If you don’t know what questions, prepare some before hand so you have them ready whenever.
Remember, you are having fun!
Get Him to Do something For you:
No No, not what I mean, get your mind out the gutter.
Men have this thing built inside of them that I like to call “The Superman Complex”.
They love to DO stuff for women. You have heard some of them say “For You, I’d Kill The Bull”.
They like to feel as though they have saved the day or at least helped save the day.
Knowing this can really help you with the approach.
Stuff like asking his opinion on something asking his advice on a subject that is typically attributed to men.
Asking him to recommend something is also a great conversation starter.
A few Saturdays ago a girl asked me what English football team I would recommend for her to support. I thought that was brilliant!
I suggested Arsenal…denounced Manchester United. We had fun debating why…she amazingly asked me for my Facebook details she we could continue the debate. I was picked-up.
She was confident, fun and at ease. Quite refreshing.
Conclusion:
Perhaps in later posts shall get into the more technical tricks and tips. This should be enough to get you thinking.
As always, your opinions are most welcome.
Remember ladies, YOU are the prize! Give him a chance to impress you.
*SpringLeap : is just an example. They do not endorse no disagree with this msg. they got some nice tshirts though
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